A mum in her mid-thirties, four children, lived across the street from me, next door to where I work, dead.
Cause of death, factors that should never, never kill. A community that should never have been this way.
Prayers, please.
Friday, 30 May 2008
Thursday, 22 May 2008
grace grabs headlines?
I had a call on my mobile this morning from a journalist wanting to know all about our wedding, wanting to write about us.
I can't decide whether I'm reading too much into the questions he was asking, or whether he was fishing for scandal, controversy and a backstory I was refusing to provide. But if he were looking for intrigue, there'd be other wedding guests less discreet than I who might be happy to bring it on.
As disappointed as I am by how badly my current church and place of employment has responded to our relationship, I don't want to see them shamed by the media for it.
Though it might give them something to think about...
I can't decide whether I'm reading too much into the questions he was asking, or whether he was fishing for scandal, controversy and a backstory I was refusing to provide. But if he were looking for intrigue, there'd be other wedding guests less discreet than I who might be happy to bring it on.
As disappointed as I am by how badly my current church and place of employment has responded to our relationship, I don't want to see them shamed by the media for it.
Though it might give them something to think about...
Monday, 19 May 2008
On being outed as losing faith in evangelicals. A conversation I entangled myself in today...
The scene is set at Grace's workplace
ADMINISTRATOR ... so now that we've arranged for you to go to Big Evangelistic Crusade on Thursday at 6, I'll have a ring round the volunteers to see who can cover for your 4.30 meeting with Statutory Agency.
GRACE (looking embarrassed and apologetic) I'm sorry, I should have realised the clash. It was before the honeymoon, though, that I'd arranged with Statutory Agency...
ADMINISTRATOR Really, Grace, don't worry about it. It'll be good experience for a volunteer.
GRACE Yes, but it's still supposed to be my responsibility. It's what I'm paid for here.
ADMINISTRATOR But you'll be wanting to go to Big Evangelistic Crusade, surely.
GRACE There'll be other chances. And all of our volunteers will be wanting to be there, too. I don't want to deprive any of them of the opportunity.
Enter TRUSTEE from stage left
TRUSTEE (interrupting) ... but we don't want to deprive you of the opportunity, Grace.
GRACE Thank you, that's kind.
ADMINISTRATOR So which would you rather do? Go to Big Evangelistic Crusade or a meeting with Statutory Agency?
GRACE I couldn't possibly answer.
TRUSTEE Why not?
GRACE It's not about which I prefer. It's about how I can best be used to serve God.
TRUSTEE That's deep of you.
ADMINISTRATOR But which would you prefer?
GRACE (taking a very deep breath) The meeting with Statutory Agency.
Pause
ADMINISTRATOR Right, so if I can't find anyone from amongst the volunteers to cover for the Statutory Agency meeting by the time the coach leaves for Big Evangelistic Crusade, I'll let you know...
ADMINISTRATOR ... so now that we've arranged for you to go to Big Evangelistic Crusade on Thursday at 6, I'll have a ring round the volunteers to see who can cover for your 4.30 meeting with Statutory Agency.
GRACE (looking embarrassed and apologetic) I'm sorry, I should have realised the clash. It was before the honeymoon, though, that I'd arranged with Statutory Agency...
ADMINISTRATOR Really, Grace, don't worry about it. It'll be good experience for a volunteer.
GRACE Yes, but it's still supposed to be my responsibility. It's what I'm paid for here.
ADMINISTRATOR But you'll be wanting to go to Big Evangelistic Crusade, surely.
GRACE There'll be other chances. And all of our volunteers will be wanting to be there, too. I don't want to deprive any of them of the opportunity.
Enter TRUSTEE from stage left
TRUSTEE (interrupting) ... but we don't want to deprive you of the opportunity, Grace.
GRACE Thank you, that's kind.
ADMINISTRATOR So which would you rather do? Go to Big Evangelistic Crusade or a meeting with Statutory Agency?
GRACE I couldn't possibly answer.
TRUSTEE Why not?
GRACE It's not about which I prefer. It's about how I can best be used to serve God.
TRUSTEE That's deep of you.
ADMINISTRATOR But which would you prefer?
GRACE (taking a very deep breath) The meeting with Statutory Agency.
Pause
ADMINISTRATOR Right, so if I can't find anyone from amongst the volunteers to cover for the Statutory Agency meeting by the time the coach leaves for Big Evangelistic Crusade, I'll let you know...
Saturday, 17 May 2008
back to work...
... and I resigned from my job.
They’re asking me why. I’m taking my time before responding. As a salaried employee, I am under no legal obligation to provide them with a reason or justification for my resignation. They say that until I provide a reason, the speculation will generate rumours. Given that I won’t be there to hear the rumours, I will risk a few days to collect my thoughts.
It was the wedding day which decided it. Or, more specifically, the chorister who opened the service with the words from Handel’s Messiah:
It was at that moment that I realised that I no longer needed to fight for my love for Beloved to be approved of, recognised or sacramentalised by any given church, or indeed by any particular person. God was there, and so were 200 people watching me walk down the aisle.
I don’t need to fight any longer. I need to concentrate on loving my new husband. And that may include finding a church which might respect my new husband a little more than the church which refused to marry us.
Yet after the turmoil of the engagement and all the various forms of explosiveness our marriage plans caused, all my working relationships there are so dismal that all endeavours to find a church that will respect Beloved would seem destined to cause more fighting.
I resigned because I did not want dismal working relationships within the church to distract me from my relationship with my new husband and with family any longer. I resigned because I did not want to fight the church or the Church any more.
The Bible, the church and the Church generally agree that committing to one’s partner and family should be considered more important than any other form of Christian service. In resigning from my job because resigning seems the only way to ensure I can do this, I am therefore doing nothing very controversial.
Except that, if I tell them that’s why I am leaving, I will have highlighted the ne'er-to-be-whispered truth that working for a church, Christian charity or faith-based social project can be so stressful that it can put relationships, families and marriages under almost intolerable pressure. That would be extremely controversial. And I resigned specifically because I wanted to stop causing controversy in the church.
With this in mind, do I disclose the true reason for my resignation?
If I do disclose the true reason for my resignation, I will – as demonstrated above – be launching a lump of something extremely brown and sticky at the proverbial.
But if I say something vague and fluffy and twee about seeking fresh pastures, I will have denied them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
And if I say nothing at all, I will no doubt soon hear that I have suffered a molar pregnancy rapidly progressing into a rare and deadly gynaecological malignancy. And the intrigue and concern of this will also deny them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
So really, I need to tell them at least something of why I’ve resigned.
Perhaps, newly-married or not, I’m destined to be at war with the church or Church forever...?
They’re asking me why. I’m taking my time before responding. As a salaried employee, I am under no legal obligation to provide them with a reason or justification for my resignation. They say that until I provide a reason, the speculation will generate rumours. Given that I won’t be there to hear the rumours, I will risk a few days to collect my thoughts.
It was the wedding day which decided it. Or, more specifically, the chorister who opened the service with the words from Handel’s Messiah:
And cry unto her, that her warfare, that her warfare is accomplished. And her iniquity is pardoned, her iniquity is pardoned. (Isaiah 40:2)
It was at that moment that I realised that I no longer needed to fight for my love for Beloved to be approved of, recognised or sacramentalised by any given church, or indeed by any particular person. God was there, and so were 200 people watching me walk down the aisle.
I don’t need to fight any longer. I need to concentrate on loving my new husband. And that may include finding a church which might respect my new husband a little more than the church which refused to marry us.
Yet after the turmoil of the engagement and all the various forms of explosiveness our marriage plans caused, all my working relationships there are so dismal that all endeavours to find a church that will respect Beloved would seem destined to cause more fighting.
I resigned because I did not want dismal working relationships within the church to distract me from my relationship with my new husband and with family any longer. I resigned because I did not want to fight the church or the Church any more.
The Bible, the church and the Church generally agree that committing to one’s partner and family should be considered more important than any other form of Christian service. In resigning from my job because resigning seems the only way to ensure I can do this, I am therefore doing nothing very controversial.
Except that, if I tell them that’s why I am leaving, I will have highlighted the ne'er-to-be-whispered truth that working for a church, Christian charity or faith-based social project can be so stressful that it can put relationships, families and marriages under almost intolerable pressure. That would be extremely controversial. And I resigned specifically because I wanted to stop causing controversy in the church.
With this in mind, do I disclose the true reason for my resignation?
If I do disclose the true reason for my resignation, I will – as demonstrated above – be launching a lump of something extremely brown and sticky at the proverbial.
But if I say something vague and fluffy and twee about seeking fresh pastures, I will have denied them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
And if I say nothing at all, I will no doubt soon hear that I have suffered a molar pregnancy rapidly progressing into a rare and deadly gynaecological malignancy. And the intrigue and concern of this will also deny them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
So really, I need to tell them at least something of why I’ve resigned.
Perhaps, newly-married or not, I’m destined to be at war with the church or Church forever...?
Thursday, 8 May 2008
honeymoon despatches
Firstly, to Erika´s daughter... huge, massive congratulations! If it had been my mum orchestrating the cancer-beating celebrations, she´d have sent me to school with a chocolate munch cake in the shape of a needle and drip... so it seems that on the embarrassment scale, you got away lightly with a banner. I hope the celebrations of your cancer-free life and future will continue...
Secondly, congratulations to the friend who declined our wedding invitation on the grounds that you had an unshakable intuitive sense that you´d be busy giving birth that day, despite it still being only 34 weeks into your pregnancy. By my estimation, your waters would have been breaking at the very moment we exchanged our vows (well, in my romantic imagination anyway... it can´t have been much after that) Lovely to see the photos of your new son...
And yes, we´re now married. Something which renders me somewhat devoid of words... not least because the organisation of the keyboard from which I´m typing this is making punçtuatioñ interesting¡ ´Start at the beginning´ He says ´something about the garden of Eden´. Forbidden fruit¿ Hmmmm. The all-inclusiveness of our reort passage meaning thereçs an unlimited abundance of all kinds of fruit at no extra cost. Except that only a few hundred miles from us, people are rioting in protest at food shortages, hunger and economic meltdown. A very sheltered, naive form of paradise, then, of a honeymoon.
One which follows, though, a very un-sheltered and reality-crunching wedding full of such life, warmth, faith, humour, dialogue, daffodils, chorality, chocolate and so much love... Thank you to all involved, and to all who came and supported what your consciences and families may have made it very costly for you to have come and supported (most of whom won´t be reading this anyway). And thanks to family. Of course.
Just feeling so grateful...
Secondly, congratulations to the friend who declined our wedding invitation on the grounds that you had an unshakable intuitive sense that you´d be busy giving birth that day, despite it still being only 34 weeks into your pregnancy. By my estimation, your waters would have been breaking at the very moment we exchanged our vows (well, in my romantic imagination anyway... it can´t have been much after that) Lovely to see the photos of your new son...
And yes, we´re now married. Something which renders me somewhat devoid of words... not least because the organisation of the keyboard from which I´m typing this is making punçtuatioñ interesting¡ ´Start at the beginning´ He says ´something about the garden of Eden´. Forbidden fruit¿ Hmmmm. The all-inclusiveness of our reort passage meaning thereçs an unlimited abundance of all kinds of fruit at no extra cost. Except that only a few hundred miles from us, people are rioting in protest at food shortages, hunger and economic meltdown. A very sheltered, naive form of paradise, then, of a honeymoon.
One which follows, though, a very un-sheltered and reality-crunching wedding full of such life, warmth, faith, humour, dialogue, daffodils, chorality, chocolate and so much love... Thank you to all involved, and to all who came and supported what your consciences and families may have made it very costly for you to have come and supported (most of whom won´t be reading this anyway). And thanks to family. Of course.
Just feeling so grateful...
Monday, 21 April 2008
Sunday, 20 April 2008
trying to write a wedding speech about how much I love Him...
... and I'm utterly, utterly, utterly stuck.
How to generate words which convey the depths of how much I love him... without offending anyone who doesn't or hasn't loved?
How to express the hope I possess for our relationship... without coming across as condemning all those who have condemned us?
How to generate words which convey the depths of how much I love him... without offending anyone who doesn't or hasn't loved?
How to express the hope I possess for our relationship... without coming across as condemning all those who have condemned us?
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
The Employment and Equalities Act (Churches) 2008
Somebody putting "Equal Opportunities" and "church" into Google will now think they've discovered a new piece of legislation. Tee hee.
I decided, though, today, that the government should grant all faith-based organisations full exemption from all employment and equalities legislation.
My reasoning is that the legislation has done very little to improve the employment conditions of employees in Christian organisations. All that has changed in the 30 or so years that such laws have been introduced is that Christian organisations have been more covert in their discrimination, pretending to follow the rules when they aren't, afraid to admit themselves unable to comply with or even understand what's legally being requested of them. This leads to the following problems
1. Job applicants and employees expect from Christian organisations legal rights and safeguards they will never receive
2. The vast majority of job applicants and employees do not have the time, money or courage to take Christian organisations to employment tribunals. The pressure "not to bring the name of Christ into disrepute" is immense and the adverse publicity generated can be vicious. John Reaney, who managed to win against the Diocese of Hereford was a rare exception.
3. Because the Reaney case was so exceptional, the majority of Christian organisations end up thinking they've got away with it.
If however, Christian organisations were to gain exemption from employment and equalities legislation
1. They could tell candidates the interview stage that they don't like gays/women/Blacks/immigrants so that the candidate would be aware at that stage what sort of organisation they were applying to.
2. They could stop using the Genuine Occupational Requirement clause to stipulate a youth worker who is "aged 24-26 with curly pink hair and a Scouse accent" so that they not longer look ridiculous in their own job ads.
3. Those Christian organisations who are known to be particularly good employers (such as the Faithworks Trust, Tearfund, Christian Aid etc) could receive the acclaim they deserve as outstandingly good people, properly motivated by grace, truth and love.
4. This would demonstrate that the guy who started the whole Christianity thing off was, despite never intending to form an organisation of any sort, an outstaningly kind, tolerant, welcoming, affirming and inclusive sort of bloke.
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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church
I decided, though, today, that the government should grant all faith-based organisations full exemption from all employment and equalities legislation.
My reasoning is that the legislation has done very little to improve the employment conditions of employees in Christian organisations. All that has changed in the 30 or so years that such laws have been introduced is that Christian organisations have been more covert in their discrimination, pretending to follow the rules when they aren't, afraid to admit themselves unable to comply with or even understand what's legally being requested of them. This leads to the following problems
1. Job applicants and employees expect from Christian organisations legal rights and safeguards they will never receive
2. The vast majority of job applicants and employees do not have the time, money or courage to take Christian organisations to employment tribunals. The pressure "not to bring the name of Christ into disrepute" is immense and the adverse publicity generated can be vicious. John Reaney, who managed to win against the Diocese of Hereford was a rare exception.
3. Because the Reaney case was so exceptional, the majority of Christian organisations end up thinking they've got away with it.
If however, Christian organisations were to gain exemption from employment and equalities legislation
1. They could tell candidates the interview stage that they don't like gays/women/Blacks/immigrants so that the candidate would be aware at that stage what sort of organisation they were applying to.
2. They could stop using the Genuine Occupational Requirement clause to stipulate a youth worker who is "aged 24-26 with curly pink hair and a Scouse accent" so that they not longer look ridiculous in their own job ads.
3. Those Christian organisations who are known to be particularly good employers (such as the Faithworks Trust, Tearfund, Christian Aid etc) could receive the acclaim they deserve as outstandingly good people, properly motivated by grace, truth and love.
4. This would demonstrate that the guy who started the whole Christianity thing off was, despite never intending to form an organisation of any sort, an outstaningly kind, tolerant, welcoming, affirming and inclusive sort of bloke.
employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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Monday, 14 April 2008
a triumph of experience over hope? a conversation with a child far, far too young for the conversation we were having.
A conversation, too, that made me very sad for the girl with whom I had it...
HER: My Mummy says you're having a wedding.
ME: Yes. Do you want to come and bring her to the wedding?
HER: I don't like weddings.
ME: Why not?
HER: (Pauses, pouting) Well you'll have to have babies really quickly...
ME: (Cringing slightly) Er, we'll see what happens.
HER: ... 'cos you got to have babies before you split up. Once you're split up you can't have babies any more 'cos you're calling each other bad words and shouting.
ME: We're not planning to split up.
HER: Really? You're never going to split up?
ME: I don't know. But we're going to try really, really hard not to split up.
HER: (Eyes widening) So you might never ever ever split up?
ME: I hope we'll never ever ever ever ever split up.
HER: But (starts chewing a strand of hair) I didn't know you could hope about that.
HER: My Mummy says you're having a wedding.
ME: Yes. Do you want to come and bring her to the wedding?
HER: I don't like weddings.
ME: Why not?
HER: (Pauses, pouting) Well you'll have to have babies really quickly...
ME: (Cringing slightly) Er, we'll see what happens.
HER: ... 'cos you got to have babies before you split up. Once you're split up you can't have babies any more 'cos you're calling each other bad words and shouting.
ME: We're not planning to split up.
HER: Really? You're never going to split up?
ME: I don't know. But we're going to try really, really hard not to split up.
HER: (Eyes widening) So you might never ever ever split up?
ME: I hope we'll never ever ever ever ever split up.
HER: But (starts chewing a strand of hair) I didn't know you could hope about that.
Wednesday, 9 April 2008
On a lighter note...
You know the Bible 100%!
Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!
Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes
Thanks to Lina for this...
They're more scared of you than you are of them
It's what my mother used to say when I used to get scared of dogs that were too big and fluffy and wooffed at me too loudly.
I realised it again when this week Fiance and I had social intercourse with two more of the church ministers who refused to marry us.
We had to visit Minister One to collect our Banns, which Church of England law had required him, regardless of his personal objections, to publish for us. His vicarage, nestled awkwardly between a crop of identikit multi-storey inner-city tower blocks, the premises known locally as "that building where them from the social get your bairns took off of you" and the local arterial motorway, was one of the grimmest I'd ever seen. He opened the door, despite the horizontally-snarling snow, in the very most flimsy of shirt sleeves. I wanted to ask him to please go back inside and put a jumper on before speaking to us. He seemed just so nervous of us. "You work with children, don't you?" he said to Fiance.
Minister Two came up to me, entirely unexpectedly and out-of-normal-context in the corner shop and announced to me, triumphantly, "Grace!!! I've just spoken to your Fiance in the Post Office!" As he beamed at me, I suddenly saw a friend's three year old son grinning proudly as he told me he'd got his shoes on all by himself. I didn't know, then, how to respond to Minister Two. I felt like congratulating him - but that would have come across as patronising or insincere. I wanted to ask him what they'd talked about - but Fiance would no doubt be ringing on my mobile any minute to tell me all about it. But I could see that, for Minister Two, the conversation had represented a huge achievement.
I don't want us to make people uncomfortable. I don't want to spend my whole life frightening and antagonising the church and all its structures and leaders.
Jesus did, Fiance pointed out.
I realised it again when this week Fiance and I had social intercourse with two more of the church ministers who refused to marry us.
We had to visit Minister One to collect our Banns, which Church of England law had required him, regardless of his personal objections, to publish for us. His vicarage, nestled awkwardly between a crop of identikit multi-storey inner-city tower blocks, the premises known locally as "that building where them from the social get your bairns took off of you" and the local arterial motorway, was one of the grimmest I'd ever seen. He opened the door, despite the horizontally-snarling snow, in the very most flimsy of shirt sleeves. I wanted to ask him to please go back inside and put a jumper on before speaking to us. He seemed just so nervous of us. "You work with children, don't you?" he said to Fiance.
Minister Two came up to me, entirely unexpectedly and out-of-normal-context in the corner shop and announced to me, triumphantly, "Grace!!! I've just spoken to your Fiance in the Post Office!" As he beamed at me, I suddenly saw a friend's three year old son grinning proudly as he told me he'd got his shoes on all by himself. I didn't know, then, how to respond to Minister Two. I felt like congratulating him - but that would have come across as patronising or insincere. I wanted to ask him what they'd talked about - but Fiance would no doubt be ringing on my mobile any minute to tell me all about it. But I could see that, for Minister Two, the conversation had represented a huge achievement.
I don't want us to make people uncomfortable. I don't want to spend my whole life frightening and antagonising the church and all its structures and leaders.
Jesus did, Fiance pointed out.
Friday, 28 March 2008
Dreading it.
Fiance has invited for a meal tonight
1) the leaders of one of the churches which refused to marry us
and
2) the leader of the church who has agreed to marry us
and
3) the children will be there
and
I'm extremely nervous.
But I suspect they may all be, too.
1) the leaders of one of the churches which refused to marry us
and
2) the leader of the church who has agreed to marry us
and
3) the children will be there
and
I'm extremely nervous.
But I suspect they may all be, too.
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Thank you. You've given me an idea. Intercultural and interfaith relationship training that makes no presumptions about anyone's faith
Firstly, a huge and massive you to Eileen, to Erika and to Kate for enlightening me on what marriage preparation in the evangelical Christian sense involves.
(And to reassure Kate, no he hasn't and yes I would...)
I also found a marriage preparation manual at the local Da'wah (ie Islamic outreach) bookshop attached to my local supermarket, which I bought for £3.99 and devoured with paneer on toast. It said essentially everything which Eileen and Erika said (learn to relax and laugh together, talk about everything, don't let arguments linger, make sure you share the same approach to money/children/worship) though Kate's question (about donestic abuse/violence) was noteably absent. What it did include was a great deal about sex, both in the anatomical and erotic sense. That's also what I'd been asking when I said there were things in needed to know. To know in the Biblical sense...
It seems to me there's a real gap in provision and/or the market here. Whereas there seems a fair amount of didactic/pastoral provision for those from a same or similar religious tradition forming relationships/getting married, there's nothing out there for couples of differing faiths from one another, who don't do organised or institutional religion, or who consider themselves spiritual-but-not-religious. There's a fair amount of generic stuff online about how Person of Religion/Ethnicity X will experience/relate to Person of Religion/Ethnicity Y and the majority of it tends to be hugely oversimplistic, overgeneralising and promoting rather than challenging labelled and stereotypes... certainly in the case of Fiance and I, it has been utterly counterproductive as the church continues to treat him according to amassively irrelevent ethnic archetype.
What's needed, I think, is some material that provides some basic relationship/sex education from a clear universal perspective promoting respect, mutuality, discussion and non-violent conflict resolution alongside some sex advice for the totally clueless, but that promotes questions which may be raised in relationships where the couple do not both come from the same religious tradition.
Open-ended qestions such as
*If your methods/standards of cooking/housework/timekeeping/personal hygiene differ, does one of you need to defer to the other or can you compromise? How would each option feel?
*How will you provide a united response to incidents of racism or ethnic tension which catch you at unexpected moments? If violence or intimidation are involved, would you want the police involved, or would you want it left with family/community leaders?
*If either or both of you have children, do you need to parent them in the same way and, if so, how? And how do your children feel?
and plenty more...
Hmmm. A project in there, perhaps. Or has someone else got there first??
(And to reassure Kate, no he hasn't and yes I would...)
I also found a marriage preparation manual at the local Da'wah (ie Islamic outreach) bookshop attached to my local supermarket, which I bought for £3.99 and devoured with paneer on toast. It said essentially everything which Eileen and Erika said (learn to relax and laugh together, talk about everything, don't let arguments linger, make sure you share the same approach to money/children/worship) though Kate's question (about donestic abuse/violence) was noteably absent. What it did include was a great deal about sex, both in the anatomical and erotic sense. That's also what I'd been asking when I said there were things in needed to know. To know in the Biblical sense...
It seems to me there's a real gap in provision and/or the market here. Whereas there seems a fair amount of didactic/pastoral provision for those from a same or similar religious tradition forming relationships/getting married, there's nothing out there for couples of differing faiths from one another, who don't do organised or institutional religion, or who consider themselves spiritual-but-not-religious. There's a fair amount of generic stuff online about how Person of Religion/Ethnicity X will experience/relate to Person of Religion/Ethnicity Y and the majority of it tends to be hugely oversimplistic, overgeneralising and promoting rather than challenging labelled and stereotypes... certainly in the case of Fiance and I, it has been utterly counterproductive as the church continues to treat him according to amassively irrelevent ethnic archetype.
What's needed, I think, is some material that provides some basic relationship/sex education from a clear universal perspective promoting respect, mutuality, discussion and non-violent conflict resolution alongside some sex advice for the totally clueless, but that promotes questions which may be raised in relationships where the couple do not both come from the same religious tradition.
Open-ended qestions such as
*If your methods/standards of cooking/housework/timekeeping/personal hygiene differ, does one of you need to defer to the other or can you compromise? How would each option feel?
*How will you provide a united response to incidents of racism or ethnic tension which catch you at unexpected moments? If violence or intimidation are involved, would you want the police involved, or would you want it left with family/community leaders?
*If either or both of you have children, do you need to parent them in the same way and, if so, how? And how do your children feel?
and plenty more...
Hmmm. A project in there, perhaps. Or has someone else got there first??
Saturday, 22 March 2008
Triduum, 2008
Cooking a buffet of dishes from Fiance's Country of Origin and amazing a housefull of guests at his with the authenticity of my cooking. Neglecting to tell any of them that we'd merely googled the recipes on broadband and purchased the ingredients from a local Tesco. Offering several of them a lift home "on the way back to mine" and then driving back to his for the night. I hate my own dishonesty.
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Coward.
One of the volunteers asked me today why I wasn't getting married in my own church.
I replied that the question wasn't mine to answer.
There was a member of the management team behind her. He hasn't been able to look me in the eye all day.
I replied that the question wasn't mine to answer.
There was a member of the management team behind her. He hasn't been able to look me in the eye all day.
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
Mercy Ministries. A strange definition of mercy.
I've been spending the last three days furtively watching Mercy Ministries of Australia slowly unravel under the glare of the Sydney Morning Herald.
It all sounds sickeningly familiar. The "girls" (ie young women)
1. were punished for talking to one other about why they were there
2. weren't allowed outside the front door without triplicate permission
3. weren't able to speak to medical professionals without "supervision" that meant they were afraid to be honest
4. were endlessly told that it was their fault and they were beyond help
5. were arbitrarily kicked out onto the streets even though they were worse than ever
Been there, got the T-shirt for each one. And not the Mercy Ministries T-shirts, either. Such things happen to women and men, young and old, every day in the mainstream psychiatric and mental health systems. And nobody out there expects any differently. They just expect Christians to do things better than everyone else... because Christians themselves claim they can.
It's a case, firstly, of too many expectations having been placed on Mercy Ministries. But what then makes the behaviour of Mercy Ministries so exceptionally evil (and I use that word deliberately) is that they bring God in to justify the control, oppression and condemnation. Or not God, so much as Satan and all of his powers and principalities and legions of demonic sidekicks. Which surely feels far, far worse than simply being told you're mad and untreatable for mere organic/psychological/emtional reasons. It's theology gone so screwy that it causes its proponents to lose sight of all concepts of human sanctity or dignity, or of love. Which poses the question, a la Laing, of who exactly is the mad one.
At some point early this millennium some deeply Pentecostal friends were trying to persuade me to apply to the Mercy Ministries place in Bradford. What saved me was the opening of the Bradford House being delayed until I was both well past their upper age limit and no longer wanting of any such "help". I wonder what delayed their opening. A lucky escape, I think.
It all sounds sickeningly familiar. The "girls" (ie young women)
1. were punished for talking to one other about why they were there
2. weren't allowed outside the front door without triplicate permission
3. weren't able to speak to medical professionals without "supervision" that meant they were afraid to be honest
4. were endlessly told that it was their fault and they were beyond help
5. were arbitrarily kicked out onto the streets even though they were worse than ever
Been there, got the T-shirt for each one. And not the Mercy Ministries T-shirts, either. Such things happen to women and men, young and old, every day in the mainstream psychiatric and mental health systems. And nobody out there expects any differently. They just expect Christians to do things better than everyone else... because Christians themselves claim they can.
It's a case, firstly, of too many expectations having been placed on Mercy Ministries. But what then makes the behaviour of Mercy Ministries so exceptionally evil (and I use that word deliberately) is that they bring God in to justify the control, oppression and condemnation. Or not God, so much as Satan and all of his powers and principalities and legions of demonic sidekicks. Which surely feels far, far worse than simply being told you're mad and untreatable for mere organic/psychological/emtional reasons. It's theology gone so screwy that it causes its proponents to lose sight of all concepts of human sanctity or dignity, or of love. Which poses the question, a la Laing, of who exactly is the mad one.
At some point early this millennium some deeply Pentecostal friends were trying to persuade me to apply to the Mercy Ministries place in Bradford. What saved me was the opening of the Bradford House being delayed until I was both well past their upper age limit and no longer wanting of any such "help". I wonder what delayed their opening. A lucky escape, I think.
Monday, 17 March 2008
A question. Help me out, please...
A woman at work asked me this morning what we were doing for marriage preparation classes.
Nothing, obviously. Obviously, given that [details omitted because it's just too boring to blog about]. And given that (I'm guessing, based on no actual knowledge) that such things do not cover questions of pre-existing progeny and death-threats against brides at the wedding ceremony (I exaggerate, but only slightly), I'd always assumed that "marriage preparation" would be fairly irrelevant for Him and I.
Nevertheless, I'm curious. What are these much whispered-about "marriage preparation" courses about? Because as much as I've got too much on my mind to be bothered about being asked to learn sponge cake recipes or male trouser sizes, I could do with, well... some advice. Or just someone to ask the sort of questions you can't ask your mum or your friends. (To be fair, one friend has offered, but she's just given birth to her fifth child in as many years and doesn't seem to have slept for months.)
So whereas I suspect that much of the faith-based "marriage preparation" comes with a right-wing, family-values, Biblical-womanhood type of agenda, I still know there's a lot I need to know and I'm not sure who to ask...
Nothing, obviously. Obviously, given that [details omitted because it's just too boring to blog about]. And given that (I'm guessing, based on no actual knowledge) that such things do not cover questions of pre-existing progeny and death-threats against brides at the wedding ceremony (I exaggerate, but only slightly), I'd always assumed that "marriage preparation" would be fairly irrelevant for Him and I.
Nevertheless, I'm curious. What are these much whispered-about "marriage preparation" courses about? Because as much as I've got too much on my mind to be bothered about being asked to learn sponge cake recipes or male trouser sizes, I could do with, well... some advice. Or just someone to ask the sort of questions you can't ask your mum or your friends. (To be fair, one friend has offered, but she's just given birth to her fifth child in as many years and doesn't seem to have slept for months.)
So whereas I suspect that much of the faith-based "marriage preparation" comes with a right-wing, family-values, Biblical-womanhood type of agenda, I still know there's a lot I need to know and I'm not sure who to ask...
Sunday, 16 March 2008
Palm Sunday, Anyparish UK
We'd wanted to go to His parish to hear our banns of marriage being read. I'd rung the vicar, not so much to request or announce this but to ask where the church was, as it didn't appear to be listed anywhere online and I couldn't find the phone book.
The vicar had said to me "it's delightful that you should want to do that, but I'm not sure that we can give you the best impression of what Church should be." I tried to reassure him that I've been to a fair diversity of churches in my life and that I am open to all interpretations of what Church could be.
"Your'd be most exceptionally welcome. But we're an old congregation," he said. "Nobody, literally, nobody under 75 - not even me. It's a challenging parish, so complex, some pockets of such baffling deprivation... and then that school, too. And the last vicar left - goodness, no I shouldn't say that. But do, Grace, please, tell do me about yourself.."
We went to the early morning service today. I saw glances of apprehension and consternation towards us, an inability to fathom why we'd ever have wanted to come. But then, a thawing, and by the time we left not one of the 30 congregants had failed to welcome us, to congratulate us and to ask "but why did you want to come?"
Because you welcomed us.
The vicar had said to me "it's delightful that you should want to do that, but I'm not sure that we can give you the best impression of what Church should be." I tried to reassure him that I've been to a fair diversity of churches in my life and that I am open to all interpretations of what Church could be.
"Your'd be most exceptionally welcome. But we're an old congregation," he said. "Nobody, literally, nobody under 75 - not even me. It's a challenging parish, so complex, some pockets of such baffling deprivation... and then that school, too. And the last vicar left - goodness, no I shouldn't say that. But do, Grace, please, tell do me about yourself.."
We went to the early morning service today. I saw glances of apprehension and consternation towards us, an inability to fathom why we'd ever have wanted to come. But then, a thawing, and by the time we left not one of the 30 congregants had failed to welcome us, to congratulate us and to ask "but why did you want to come?"
Because you welcomed us.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
How to choose guests for your wedding: advice from the New Testament
From Matthew Chapter 22
Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: "The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.
"Then he sent some more servants and said, 'Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.'
"But they paid no attention and went off—one to his field, another to his business. The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.
"Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. Go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.' So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.
This passage, of course, wasn't written to instruct on how to choose one's wedding guests. It's a parable, meaning that it's intended as allegory. It's apocalyptically eschatological and it’s messianic, meaning that it talks about the personhood and role of Jesus in the end of the world. It was written, I think, to challenge people on their response to God and to the people around them. Weddings, as such, don’t really come into it.
So I know that to take this as a literal model of how to respond to those refusing to come to our wedding would be to sidestep the point of the parable. By already having ended my quotation where I did, I'm aware that I've left out the most disconcerting and uncomfortable bit of the story.
However...
What would happen if I were to seek out and invite a dozen completely random and previously unconsidered people to replace those who've refused to come?
Jesus spoke to them again in parables, saying: "The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come.
"Then he sent some more servants and said, 'Tell those who have been invited that I have prepared my dinner: My oxen and fattened cattle have been butchered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet.'
"But they paid no attention and went off—one to his field, another to his business. The rest seized his servants, mistreated them and killed them. The king was enraged. He sent his army and destroyed those murderers and burned their city.
"Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding banquet is ready, but those I invited did not deserve to come. Go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.' So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.
This passage, of course, wasn't written to instruct on how to choose one's wedding guests. It's a parable, meaning that it's intended as allegory. It's apocalyptically eschatological and it’s messianic, meaning that it talks about the personhood and role of Jesus in the end of the world. It was written, I think, to challenge people on their response to God and to the people around them. Weddings, as such, don’t really come into it.
So I know that to take this as a literal model of how to respond to those refusing to come to our wedding would be to sidestep the point of the parable. By already having ended my quotation where I did, I'm aware that I've left out the most disconcerting and uncomfortable bit of the story.
However...
What would happen if I were to seek out and invite a dozen completely random and previously unconsidered people to replace those who've refused to come?
the google search terms which people used to find this blog whilst I wasn't blogging
Most of the time, a simple "Jesus wept".
But then there was the rather touching "what was life like in Jesus [sic] days"
And then the hugely ironic "Jesus+emotions+women" *Grace cringes*
But then the massively telling "dangers of denominational rules". For which, during the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, my blog came right at the top of page 1 on google.ca.
But then there was the rather touching "what was life like in Jesus [sic] days"
And then the hugely ironic "Jesus+emotions+women" *Grace cringes*
But then the massively telling "dangers of denominational rules". For which, during the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity, my blog came right at the top of page 1 on google.ca.
Monday, 10 March 2008
Working for a Christian organisation: 2008
All sorts of new bits of charity legislation are being introduced in the UK. This basically amounts to an obligation to far more stringenly demonstrate that you're acting for the "public benefit", whatever that means.
The new legislation has been developed, as far as I understand
1. to force schools charging several multiples of my annual salary for each child's education to do either do more to support and develop their communities... or else pay tax like everyone else
2. to stop anyone thinking that so-called Islamist groups are a good thing to give money to
In theory, then, financially-transparent Christian groups that don't threaten violence (well, aside from a bit of ethnic aggravation and low-level intolerance/bigotry) don't have anything whatsoever to fear from this. But the paperwork involved is still quite scary.
Last night I dreamt that the process of transforming previously "exempt organisations" into "faith/faith-based charities" was to be overseen, monitored and evaluated by the Commission for Social Care Inspectorate and Ofsted. I woke up sweating, terrified it might be true.
At work this morning, I sat in front of my computer wondering what would happen if it were.
I think we'd have to improve coffee provision, for a start...
The new legislation has been developed, as far as I understand
1. to force schools charging several multiples of my annual salary for each child's education to do either do more to support and develop their communities... or else pay tax like everyone else
2. to stop anyone thinking that so-called Islamist groups are a good thing to give money to
In theory, then, financially-transparent Christian groups that don't threaten violence (well, aside from a bit of ethnic aggravation and low-level intolerance/bigotry) don't have anything whatsoever to fear from this. But the paperwork involved is still quite scary.
Last night I dreamt that the process of transforming previously "exempt organisations" into "faith/faith-based charities" was to be overseen, monitored and evaluated by the Commission for Social Care Inspectorate and Ofsted. I woke up sweating, terrified it might be true.
At work this morning, I sat in front of my computer wondering what would happen if it were.
I think we'd have to improve coffee provision, for a start...
Wednesday, 5 March 2008
evolution of a worshipper
Hello again. Apologies for my absense.
This Dave Walker cartoon, in its various levels of evolution, been resonating with me ever since I first came across it. I particularly like the transition from the iPod-sporting not-quite-shaved emerging-churchy-type to the cross-on-stick-thingamy-bearing Anglo-Catholic.
And then I saw today that someone has updated it yet again.
Is this where I'm heading?
This Dave Walker cartoon, in its various levels of evolution, been resonating with me ever since I first came across it. I particularly like the transition from the iPod-sporting not-quite-shaved emerging-churchy-type to the cross-on-stick-thingamy-bearing Anglo-Catholic.
And then I saw today that someone has updated it yet again.
Is this where I'm heading?
Monday, 14 January 2008
the seven-facts-about-me [or I can't sleep] meme
From lilwatchergirl, who tagged me some time ago...
Seven facts about myself
1. I've only just learned how to use html to underline what I'm writing. I had a grandfather who liked to underline everything he wrote.
2. That was the same grandfather who once told me that Arthur Scargill was the most evil man who had ever lived. Until an extremely amused Sunday School teacher explained otherwise, I held an elaborate and sophisticated theology of Arthur Scargill as Satan incarnate, exactly in the same was as Jesus is God incarnate.
3. Talking of miner's strikes and suchlike, I think Billy Elliot was a lovely film. There's still a weeeeeny little bit of me that would have loved to be a ballerina too...
4. ... and it's fortunate that it's only such an ickle bit of me that does, because I cannot dance at all, and don't particularly even enjoy trying...
5. ... which is unfortunate because He To Whom I'm About to Be Married is an exceptionally good dancer. If he didn't come from a place even more macho than 80s Easington, he may well have ended up in a tutu...
6. ... but that's enough about that because my mum may be reading this. She's one of only four people who know "Grace" in real life.
7. I sometimes find real life utterly overwhelming.
Seven facts about myself
1. I've only just learned how to use html to underline what I'm writing. I had a grandfather who liked to underline everything he wrote.
2. That was the same grandfather who once told me that Arthur Scargill was the most evil man who had ever lived. Until an extremely amused Sunday School teacher explained otherwise, I held an elaborate and sophisticated theology of Arthur Scargill as Satan incarnate, exactly in the same was as Jesus is God incarnate.
3. Talking of miner's strikes and suchlike, I think Billy Elliot was a lovely film. There's still a weeeeeny little bit of me that would have loved to be a ballerina too...
4. ... and it's fortunate that it's only such an ickle bit of me that does, because I cannot dance at all, and don't particularly even enjoy trying...
5. ... which is unfortunate because He To Whom I'm About to Be Married is an exceptionally good dancer. If he didn't come from a place even more macho than 80s Easington, he may well have ended up in a tutu...
6. ... but that's enough about that because my mum may be reading this. She's one of only four people who know "Grace" in real life.
7. I sometimes find real life utterly overwhelming.
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
thought for the day
The legally most straightforward places* for Grace and Fiance to elope for a Christian wedding ceremony leading to a UK-recognised marriage would seem to be South Africa and Thailand.
*This does not include the State of Nevada (ie Las Vegas). Resorting to a marriage officiated by Elvis would make Grace weep, and that would not be straightforward.
*This does not include the State of Nevada (ie Las Vegas). Resorting to a marriage officiated by Elvis would make Grace weep, and that would not be straightforward.
Thursday, 3 January 2008
call yourself a Christian?
I woke up this morning to various graphic descriptions of the Eldoret church massacre in Eastern Kenya. I was there, briefly, in the mid 90s, and my memory of Eldoret was of utter PraisetheLordsville, with every other building a place of Christian worship. I visited Rwanda soon afterwards, soon enough still after the genocide that, when I visited one of the churches in which hundreds there were massacred, they were still sorting the dismembered body parts into neat rows... as though neat rows of dismembered body parts would somehow make up for what they'd done. And I felt this morning as I felt in Rwanda back then: how can people who call themselves Christians and claim a personal relationship with Christ perpetrate such evil?
And then, later on in the morning, I utterly blew up at three of my very closest friends. Certainly, I didn't take pangas to their skulls or burn their babies alive, but I did most definitely say things they found very hurtful that will change our friendships forever and I cannot pretend otherwise. And I call myself a Christian, too.
Theologically, intellectually, I struggle with the concept of Original Sin as a premise on which to base the Christian message. Intuitively, though, instinctively, I can feel such evil inside of me...
And then, later on in the morning, I utterly blew up at three of my very closest friends. Certainly, I didn't take pangas to their skulls or burn their babies alive, but I did most definitely say things they found very hurtful that will change our friendships forever and I cannot pretend otherwise. And I call myself a Christian, too.
Theologically, intellectually, I struggle with the concept of Original Sin as a premise on which to base the Christian message. Intuitively, though, instinctively, I can feel such evil inside of me...
Wednesday, 2 January 2008
Happy New Year: "Women who stop church 'put health at risk'"
I've just found this article in The Telegraph. Or, to be honest, on MadPriest's blog. I'm sure there must be a pithy and witty gender-related comment or some reference to Foucault to make on this, but I'm not sure what it is. I just know that week I thought I was going to have to leave my church, I felt exceedingly lonely and drank ridiculous amounts of white wine...
"Researchers say women who let their religious activity lapse are three times more likely to suffer from anxiety or become dependent on alcohol than those who keep their faith active.
However, men who took part in the study and who became less religious in adulthood did not appear to suffer any increase in mental health problems.
Dr Joanna Maselko, the lead study author, of Temple University, Philadelphia, said women suffered more from losing interest in religion because they were more likely to lose friends and social contacts as a result.
Dr Maselko said: "Women are more integrated into the social networks of their religious communities.
"When they stop attending religious services, they lose access to that network and all its potential benefits. Men may not be as integrated into the religious community and so may not suffer the negative consequences of leaving."
Dr Maselko, whose research is published in Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, questioned 718 adults.
Among the women, seven per cent of those who had always been active in their religion had symptoms of anxiety disorder.
However, 21 per cent of those who were less religiously active than in their childhood suffered symptoms of anxiety.
They were also three times more likely to have had drinking problems.
This effect was not seen in the men. The survey found male participants who stopped being religiously active were less likely to suffer from serious depression than those who still went to church.
Dr Maselko said: " A person's current level of spirituality is only part of the story. We can only get a better understanding of the relationship between health and spirituality by knowing a person's religious history."
"Researchers say women who let their religious activity lapse are three times more likely to suffer from anxiety or become dependent on alcohol than those who keep their faith active.
However, men who took part in the study and who became less religious in adulthood did not appear to suffer any increase in mental health problems.
Dr Joanna Maselko, the lead study author, of Temple University, Philadelphia, said women suffered more from losing interest in religion because they were more likely to lose friends and social contacts as a result.
Dr Maselko said: "Women are more integrated into the social networks of their religious communities.
"When they stop attending religious services, they lose access to that network and all its potential benefits. Men may not be as integrated into the religious community and so may not suffer the negative consequences of leaving."
Dr Maselko, whose research is published in Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, questioned 718 adults.
Among the women, seven per cent of those who had always been active in their religion had symptoms of anxiety disorder.
However, 21 per cent of those who were less religiously active than in their childhood suffered symptoms of anxiety.
They were also three times more likely to have had drinking problems.
This effect was not seen in the men. The survey found male participants who stopped being religiously active were less likely to suffer from serious depression than those who still went to church.
Dr Maselko said: " A person's current level of spirituality is only part of the story. We can only get a better understanding of the relationship between health and spirituality by knowing a person's religious history."
Monday, 31 December 2007
https://www.careersfordisaffectedevangelicals.org.uk
Thanks for all the responses to my previous post. However, a determined commitment to a New Religious Direction (self-created Religious Movement or otherwise) will only happen if I leave my current job. And given that I’ve got a wedding impending and a cat to feed, leaving my current job will only happen if I find another one.
I think I may therefore want or need a new job...
I don’t enjoy job-hunting, perhaps because I'm fairly dismal at it. I utterly lack whatever cognitive/social skill it is (perception? intuition? social niceties?) to ever discern what the person reading the application wants to hear. I can (and usually do) fall into any or all of the following traps
1. Ending up sounding pathetically and frantically desperate for their job. I've landed myself in some farcically unsuitable and extremely short-lived employment situations this way. I would provide some anecdotes but I don't want to Out myself on this blog, yet.
2. Trying to be clever but instead coming accross as a pretentious/arrogant prat/twat. My classic was the treatise I produced (some time ago, I hasten to add) by way of application to a local GP practice advertising for a receptionist in which I spend half a page pontificating on the need for a thorough reorganisation of the local primary care trust in order to maximise the effeciency of the GP receptionist. I heard from a friend who worked there as a nurse that the practice meeting "wetted themselves laughing" at my application. At least they didn't invite me for an interview so they could all wet themselves in front of me. At least.
3. Providing them with Too Much Information. I was once told, at an interview, "of all the 27 applicants for this job, you were the only one who filled in the what-are-your-greatest-weaknesses-question with any honesty at all". I didn't get the job, suffice to say.
I have, therefore, booked myself an appointment with the local Graduate Careers Service. But I'm honestly no longer sure what it is I want.
I think I may therefore want or need a new job...
I don’t enjoy job-hunting, perhaps because I'm fairly dismal at it. I utterly lack whatever cognitive/social skill it is (perception? intuition? social niceties?) to ever discern what the person reading the application wants to hear. I can (and usually do) fall into any or all of the following traps
1. Ending up sounding pathetically and frantically desperate for their job. I've landed myself in some farcically unsuitable and extremely short-lived employment situations this way. I would provide some anecdotes but I don't want to Out myself on this blog, yet.
2. Trying to be clever but instead coming accross as a pretentious/arrogant prat/twat. My classic was the treatise I produced (some time ago, I hasten to add) by way of application to a local GP practice advertising for a receptionist in which I spend half a page pontificating on the need for a thorough reorganisation of the local primary care trust in order to maximise the effeciency of the GP receptionist. I heard from a friend who worked there as a nurse that the practice meeting "wetted themselves laughing" at my application. At least they didn't invite me for an interview so they could all wet themselves in front of me. At least.
3. Providing them with Too Much Information. I was once told, at an interview, "of all the 27 applicants for this job, you were the only one who filled in the what-are-your-greatest-weaknesses-question with any honesty at all". I didn't get the job, suffice to say.
I have, therefore, booked myself an appointment with the local Graduate Careers Service. But I'm honestly no longer sure what it is I want.
Friday, 28 December 2007
In which Grace decides to form a New Religious Movement
After a lovely few days with family and friends and without all the hassles and politics and religious authority-play of work, I have suddenly realised: it doesn't need to be this painful. I need a New Religious (or Spiritual or Faith) Possibility... soon. But what?
Grace's Possible New Religious Possibilities
Quaking
The whole concept of Quakerism intrigues me. I don't think I understand it entirely, but I love the idea of a God who resides within everyone. All inclusive, like.
Bog-standard Church of England-ness
Thursday, 13 December 2007
guilt
I'm sitting here gulping as I click through my online banking record of just how much I've spent this evening. It's not that I don't love and value everyone for whom I've bought a Christmas present, not that I consider them undeserving, nor do I begrudge any of them the amount I've spent. I just feel guilty. Guilty about having the money to spend and guilty for not spending an equal amount on gifts for the destitute and starving.
I live in a neighbourhood and a community in which people who are deprived and destitute - and sometimes even starving - surround me constantly. In my experience, it is a poverty more shocking and complex than any poverty I've witnessed elsewhere in the world. People are poor not simply because they don't have enough money (if that were the case, the advent of tax credits would have transformed the area) and nor merely because they smoke or procreate too much (if that were the case, the local health centre offering smoking cessation and family planning would be busy) but for many, many reasons.
People are poor because they're being threatened by Provvie loan sharks who bullied them in 900% APR loans to buy presents for the children they had before they even had the chance to consider the idea that the could finish school which was before they were on the drink but when he was already beating us black and blue and when you feel like that you need a flat screen plasma telly on hire purchase, even though you live eight of you in a one-bed flat and you've got rising damp on the second floor and you can't always afford to put money on the electric and even though Miss did teach us at school it's cheaper to pay the electric by direct debit you're araid to even try to get a bank account whe you're in debt like this cos they'll look at you funny in the bank cos they'll know which part of town you're from and anyway Mum lived here like this, and Gran and Great Grandma too so when you live here nothing changes.
That was a long and incoherent sentence, I'm aware. Being born into this community must feel, I imagine, a somewhat similar sentence.
The community centre around the corner from me is asking for contributions of shampoo, safety razors (safetyonlyplease), warm socks and nail varnish to distribute. Next time I'm out shopping, I'll pop into Superdrug.
I live in a neighbourhood and a community in which people who are deprived and destitute - and sometimes even starving - surround me constantly. In my experience, it is a poverty more shocking and complex than any poverty I've witnessed elsewhere in the world. People are poor not simply because they don't have enough money (if that were the case, the advent of tax credits would have transformed the area) and nor merely because they smoke or procreate too much (if that were the case, the local health centre offering smoking cessation and family planning would be busy) but for many, many reasons.
People are poor because they're being threatened by Provvie loan sharks who bullied them in 900% APR loans to buy presents for the children they had before they even had the chance to consider the idea that the could finish school which was before they were on the drink but when he was already beating us black and blue and when you feel like that you need a flat screen plasma telly on hire purchase, even though you live eight of you in a one-bed flat and you've got rising damp on the second floor and you can't always afford to put money on the electric and even though Miss did teach us at school it's cheaper to pay the electric by direct debit you're araid to even try to get a bank account whe you're in debt like this cos they'll look at you funny in the bank cos they'll know which part of town you're from and anyway Mum lived here like this, and Gran and Great Grandma too so when you live here nothing changes.
That was a long and incoherent sentence, I'm aware. Being born into this community must feel, I imagine, a somewhat similar sentence.
The community centre around the corner from me is asking for contributions of shampoo, safety razors (safetyonlyplease), warm socks and nail varnish to distribute. Next time I'm out shopping, I'll pop into Superdrug.
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