Maybe on the second birthday of my blog I'll reveal the never-yet-told-online story of why I really started it up. But in the meantime, here's a birthday cake. Do grab a plate and all help yourselves to a slice...
Showing posts with label marital harmony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marital harmony. Show all posts
Sunday, 19 October 2008
Happy Birthday Dear Blo-ogletttttttttt
Yes, today is the first birthday of my blog. What a difference a year makes. What a difference. And God has been very, very good. I'm saving my readers from me going all slushy and introspective by the embarrassment of having been utterly AWOL in an intense love triangle with both New Job and Beloved for the past three weeks... and to those to whom I owe phone calls, emails, wine or coffee, I'm very very sorry.
Maybe on the second birthday of my blog I'll reveal the never-yet-told-online story of why I really started it up. But in the meantime, here's a birthday cake. Do grab a plate and all help yourselves to a slice...
Maybe on the second birthday of my blog I'll reveal the never-yet-told-online story of why I really started it up. But in the meantime, here's a birthday cake. Do grab a plate and all help yourselves to a slice...
Saturday, 13 September 2008
Grace returns from her travels
I’m back. Back to a letter inviting me to start New Job. Back to a letter inviting me to start New Job on Monday. This coming Monday. Like, in less than 48 hours. Eeek. Deep breath. The bike ride there is terrifying and I don’t know what to wear and I can’t remember which of the panel that interviewed me is the person I’m meant to report to and I can’t remember what it was I said in the interview which caused them to give me the job and I haven’t got time for a haircut beforehand and I’m petrified I will fall out with my supervisor in the first ten minutes and I’ve heard the coffee is dreadful. Deep breath. I can’t believe that it has been 12 weeks since I left Place of Former employment and 8 weeks since I was offered New Job. Most of how I have spent these last 12 weeks has entirely unbloggable but utterly exhausting, exhilarating, limit-stretching and probably impossible had I either been at Place of Former Employment or looking for another job. So given what a blessing it’s all been, maybe I was right in somehow thinking that Him Up There really did want me to leave Place of Former Employment. Deep breath. It’s exciting. And for the final 48 hours of my 12 week holiday, I’m sitting in my mum’s garden scanning all her baby photos into my laptop. Life is good, surely...
Sunday, 17 August 2008
Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 9: St Paul-of-almost-anywhere
[Original post deleted because it was probably unnecessarily hard on the place. We'll go back when it isn't raining.]
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Grace's Spiritual Homemaking Challenge: Update #5
Well, the bedroom and living room and study are now looking all sparkly and, despite his liberated facade, Beloved is overwhelmed with delight at having a wife devoted to such domestic, er, devotedness.
The concludion I'm beginning to reach about the spirituality of homemaking is thus that, essentially, it's all about the relationship one has with the one for whom one is cleaning and being domesticatedly committed to... that only then does God come into it.
The concludion I'm beginning to reach about the spirituality of homemaking is thus that, essentially, it's all about the relationship one has with the one for whom one is cleaning and being domesticatedly committed to... that only then does God come into it.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Grace's Spiritual Homemaking Challenge: Update #4
I'm bored. So bored that my imagination, in its newly-married state, is beginning to explore some interesting horizons.
This spiritual homemaking, biblical womanhood, antifeminist stuff is all a plot from the patriarchy, surely. An attempt to justify keeping women in their place chained to the kitchen sink. This is fine for women who enjoy keeping their houses clean, enjoy the bondage-type thrill of domestically delighting their husbands in a kinky submissive sort of way... and truly, yes, one can find Christ whilst doing absolutely anything... but no, I'm yet to be turned on by rubber gloves...
But I've (whilst plugging on with the housework) just counted eleven rolls of sellotape in the bedroom. Endless possibilities, surely...
This spiritual homemaking, biblical womanhood, antifeminist stuff is all a plot from the patriarchy, surely. An attempt to justify keeping women in their place chained to the kitchen sink. This is fine for women who enjoy keeping their houses clean, enjoy the bondage-type thrill of domestically delighting their husbands in a kinky submissive sort of way... and truly, yes, one can find Christ whilst doing absolutely anything... but no, I'm yet to be turned on by rubber gloves...
But I've (whilst plugging on with the housework) just counted eleven rolls of sellotape in the bedroom. Endless possibilities, surely...
Thursday, 22 May 2008
grace grabs headlines?
I had a call on my mobile this morning from a journalist wanting to know all about our wedding, wanting to write about us.
I can't decide whether I'm reading too much into the questions he was asking, or whether he was fishing for scandal, controversy and a backstory I was refusing to provide. But if he were looking for intrigue, there'd be other wedding guests less discreet than I who might be happy to bring it on.
As disappointed as I am by how badly my current church and place of employment has responded to our relationship, I don't want to see them shamed by the media for it.
Though it might give them something to think about...
I can't decide whether I'm reading too much into the questions he was asking, or whether he was fishing for scandal, controversy and a backstory I was refusing to provide. But if he were looking for intrigue, there'd be other wedding guests less discreet than I who might be happy to bring it on.
As disappointed as I am by how badly my current church and place of employment has responded to our relationship, I don't want to see them shamed by the media for it.
Though it might give them something to think about...
Saturday, 17 May 2008
back to work...
... and I resigned from my job.
They’re asking me why. I’m taking my time before responding. As a salaried employee, I am under no legal obligation to provide them with a reason or justification for my resignation. They say that until I provide a reason, the speculation will generate rumours. Given that I won’t be there to hear the rumours, I will risk a few days to collect my thoughts.
It was the wedding day which decided it. Or, more specifically, the chorister who opened the service with the words from Handel’s Messiah:
It was at that moment that I realised that I no longer needed to fight for my love for Beloved to be approved of, recognised or sacramentalised by any given church, or indeed by any particular person. God was there, and so were 200 people watching me walk down the aisle.
I don’t need to fight any longer. I need to concentrate on loving my new husband. And that may include finding a church which might respect my new husband a little more than the church which refused to marry us.
Yet after the turmoil of the engagement and all the various forms of explosiveness our marriage plans caused, all my working relationships there are so dismal that all endeavours to find a church that will respect Beloved would seem destined to cause more fighting.
I resigned because I did not want dismal working relationships within the church to distract me from my relationship with my new husband and with family any longer. I resigned because I did not want to fight the church or the Church any more.
The Bible, the church and the Church generally agree that committing to one’s partner and family should be considered more important than any other form of Christian service. In resigning from my job because resigning seems the only way to ensure I can do this, I am therefore doing nothing very controversial.
Except that, if I tell them that’s why I am leaving, I will have highlighted the ne'er-to-be-whispered truth that working for a church, Christian charity or faith-based social project can be so stressful that it can put relationships, families and marriages under almost intolerable pressure. That would be extremely controversial. And I resigned specifically because I wanted to stop causing controversy in the church.
With this in mind, do I disclose the true reason for my resignation?
If I do disclose the true reason for my resignation, I will – as demonstrated above – be launching a lump of something extremely brown and sticky at the proverbial.
But if I say something vague and fluffy and twee about seeking fresh pastures, I will have denied them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
And if I say nothing at all, I will no doubt soon hear that I have suffered a molar pregnancy rapidly progressing into a rare and deadly gynaecological malignancy. And the intrigue and concern of this will also deny them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
So really, I need to tell them at least something of why I’ve resigned.
Perhaps, newly-married or not, I’m destined to be at war with the church or Church forever...?
They’re asking me why. I’m taking my time before responding. As a salaried employee, I am under no legal obligation to provide them with a reason or justification for my resignation. They say that until I provide a reason, the speculation will generate rumours. Given that I won’t be there to hear the rumours, I will risk a few days to collect my thoughts.
It was the wedding day which decided it. Or, more specifically, the chorister who opened the service with the words from Handel’s Messiah:
And cry unto her, that her warfare, that her warfare is accomplished. And her iniquity is pardoned, her iniquity is pardoned. (Isaiah 40:2)
It was at that moment that I realised that I no longer needed to fight for my love for Beloved to be approved of, recognised or sacramentalised by any given church, or indeed by any particular person. God was there, and so were 200 people watching me walk down the aisle.
I don’t need to fight any longer. I need to concentrate on loving my new husband. And that may include finding a church which might respect my new husband a little more than the church which refused to marry us.
Yet after the turmoil of the engagement and all the various forms of explosiveness our marriage plans caused, all my working relationships there are so dismal that all endeavours to find a church that will respect Beloved would seem destined to cause more fighting.
I resigned because I did not want dismal working relationships within the church to distract me from my relationship with my new husband and with family any longer. I resigned because I did not want to fight the church or the Church any more.
The Bible, the church and the Church generally agree that committing to one’s partner and family should be considered more important than any other form of Christian service. In resigning from my job because resigning seems the only way to ensure I can do this, I am therefore doing nothing very controversial.
Except that, if I tell them that’s why I am leaving, I will have highlighted the ne'er-to-be-whispered truth that working for a church, Christian charity or faith-based social project can be so stressful that it can put relationships, families and marriages under almost intolerable pressure. That would be extremely controversial. And I resigned specifically because I wanted to stop causing controversy in the church.
With this in mind, do I disclose the true reason for my resignation?
If I do disclose the true reason for my resignation, I will – as demonstrated above – be launching a lump of something extremely brown and sticky at the proverbial.
But if I say something vague and fluffy and twee about seeking fresh pastures, I will have denied them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
And if I say nothing at all, I will no doubt soon hear that I have suffered a molar pregnancy rapidly progressing into a rare and deadly gynaecological malignancy. And the intrigue and concern of this will also deny them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
So really, I need to tell them at least something of why I’ve resigned.
Perhaps, newly-married or not, I’m destined to be at war with the church or Church forever...?
Thursday, 8 May 2008
honeymoon despatches
Firstly, to Erika´s daughter... huge, massive congratulations! If it had been my mum orchestrating the cancer-beating celebrations, she´d have sent me to school with a chocolate munch cake in the shape of a needle and drip... so it seems that on the embarrassment scale, you got away lightly with a banner. I hope the celebrations of your cancer-free life and future will continue...
Secondly, congratulations to the friend who declined our wedding invitation on the grounds that you had an unshakable intuitive sense that you´d be busy giving birth that day, despite it still being only 34 weeks into your pregnancy. By my estimation, your waters would have been breaking at the very moment we exchanged our vows (well, in my romantic imagination anyway... it can´t have been much after that) Lovely to see the photos of your new son...
And yes, we´re now married. Something which renders me somewhat devoid of words... not least because the organisation of the keyboard from which I´m typing this is making punçtuatioñ interesting¡ ´Start at the beginning´ He says ´something about the garden of Eden´. Forbidden fruit¿ Hmmmm. The all-inclusiveness of our reort passage meaning thereçs an unlimited abundance of all kinds of fruit at no extra cost. Except that only a few hundred miles from us, people are rioting in protest at food shortages, hunger and economic meltdown. A very sheltered, naive form of paradise, then, of a honeymoon.
One which follows, though, a very un-sheltered and reality-crunching wedding full of such life, warmth, faith, humour, dialogue, daffodils, chorality, chocolate and so much love... Thank you to all involved, and to all who came and supported what your consciences and families may have made it very costly for you to have come and supported (most of whom won´t be reading this anyway). And thanks to family. Of course.
Just feeling so grateful...
Secondly, congratulations to the friend who declined our wedding invitation on the grounds that you had an unshakable intuitive sense that you´d be busy giving birth that day, despite it still being only 34 weeks into your pregnancy. By my estimation, your waters would have been breaking at the very moment we exchanged our vows (well, in my romantic imagination anyway... it can´t have been much after that) Lovely to see the photos of your new son...
And yes, we´re now married. Something which renders me somewhat devoid of words... not least because the organisation of the keyboard from which I´m typing this is making punçtuatioñ interesting¡ ´Start at the beginning´ He says ´something about the garden of Eden´. Forbidden fruit¿ Hmmmm. The all-inclusiveness of our reort passage meaning thereçs an unlimited abundance of all kinds of fruit at no extra cost. Except that only a few hundred miles from us, people are rioting in protest at food shortages, hunger and economic meltdown. A very sheltered, naive form of paradise, then, of a honeymoon.
One which follows, though, a very un-sheltered and reality-crunching wedding full of such life, warmth, faith, humour, dialogue, daffodils, chorality, chocolate and so much love... Thank you to all involved, and to all who came and supported what your consciences and families may have made it very costly for you to have come and supported (most of whom won´t be reading this anyway). And thanks to family. Of course.
Just feeling so grateful...
Monday, 21 April 2008
Sunday, 20 April 2008
trying to write a wedding speech about how much I love Him...
... and I'm utterly, utterly, utterly stuck.
How to generate words which convey the depths of how much I love him... without offending anyone who doesn't or hasn't loved?
How to express the hope I possess for our relationship... without coming across as condemning all those who have condemned us?
How to generate words which convey the depths of how much I love him... without offending anyone who doesn't or hasn't loved?
How to express the hope I possess for our relationship... without coming across as condemning all those who have condemned us?
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
The Employment and Equalities Act (Churches) 2008
Somebody putting "Equal Opportunities" and "church" into Google will now think they've discovered a new piece of legislation. Tee hee.
I decided, though, today, that the government should grant all faith-based organisations full exemption from all employment and equalities legislation.
My reasoning is that the legislation has done very little to improve the employment conditions of employees in Christian organisations. All that has changed in the 30 or so years that such laws have been introduced is that Christian organisations have been more covert in their discrimination, pretending to follow the rules when they aren't, afraid to admit themselves unable to comply with or even understand what's legally being requested of them. This leads to the following problems
1. Job applicants and employees expect from Christian organisations legal rights and safeguards they will never receive
2. The vast majority of job applicants and employees do not have the time, money or courage to take Christian organisations to employment tribunals. The pressure "not to bring the name of Christ into disrepute" is immense and the adverse publicity generated can be vicious. John Reaney, who managed to win against the Diocese of Hereford was a rare exception.
3. Because the Reaney case was so exceptional, the majority of Christian organisations end up thinking they've got away with it.
If however, Christian organisations were to gain exemption from employment and equalities legislation
1. They could tell candidates the interview stage that they don't like gays/women/Blacks/immigrants so that the candidate would be aware at that stage what sort of organisation they were applying to.
2. They could stop using the Genuine Occupational Requirement clause to stipulate a youth worker who is "aged 24-26 with curly pink hair and a Scouse accent" so that they not longer look ridiculous in their own job ads.
3. Those Christian organisations who are known to be particularly good employers (such as the Faithworks Trust, Tearfund, Christian Aid etc) could receive the acclaim they deserve as outstandingly good people, properly motivated by grace, truth and love.
4. This would demonstrate that the guy who started the whole Christianity thing off was, despite never intending to form an organisation of any sort, an outstaningly kind, tolerant, welcoming, affirming and inclusive sort of bloke.
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employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church
I decided, though, today, that the government should grant all faith-based organisations full exemption from all employment and equalities legislation.
My reasoning is that the legislation has done very little to improve the employment conditions of employees in Christian organisations. All that has changed in the 30 or so years that such laws have been introduced is that Christian organisations have been more covert in their discrimination, pretending to follow the rules when they aren't, afraid to admit themselves unable to comply with or even understand what's legally being requested of them. This leads to the following problems
1. Job applicants and employees expect from Christian organisations legal rights and safeguards they will never receive
2. The vast majority of job applicants and employees do not have the time, money or courage to take Christian organisations to employment tribunals. The pressure "not to bring the name of Christ into disrepute" is immense and the adverse publicity generated can be vicious. John Reaney, who managed to win against the Diocese of Hereford was a rare exception.
3. Because the Reaney case was so exceptional, the majority of Christian organisations end up thinking they've got away with it.
If however, Christian organisations were to gain exemption from employment and equalities legislation
1. They could tell candidates the interview stage that they don't like gays/women/Blacks/immigrants so that the candidate would be aware at that stage what sort of organisation they were applying to.
2. They could stop using the Genuine Occupational Requirement clause to stipulate a youth worker who is "aged 24-26 with curly pink hair and a Scouse accent" so that they not longer look ridiculous in their own job ads.
3. Those Christian organisations who are known to be particularly good employers (such as the Faithworks Trust, Tearfund, Christian Aid etc) could receive the acclaim they deserve as outstandingly good people, properly motivated by grace, truth and love.
4. This would demonstrate that the guy who started the whole Christianity thing off was, despite never intending to form an organisation of any sort, an outstaningly kind, tolerant, welcoming, affirming and inclusive sort of bloke.
employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment equalities church employment 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Tuesday, 8 January 2008
thought for the day
The legally most straightforward places* for Grace and Fiance to elope for a Christian wedding ceremony leading to a UK-recognised marriage would seem to be South Africa and Thailand.
*This does not include the State of Nevada (ie Las Vegas). Resorting to a marriage officiated by Elvis would make Grace weep, and that would not be straightforward.
*This does not include the State of Nevada (ie Las Vegas). Resorting to a marriage officiated by Elvis would make Grace weep, and that would not be straightforward.
Saturday, 1 December 2007
The dangers of rioting choirboys
Fiance and I have found a very exceptional Christian minister (henceforth to be known as VECM) who is willing to bend all of his denominational rules to their very limit in undertaking to conduct our marriage service.
We met with him last night to discuss the details. Various questions of ahem style arose. In the interests of (a rapidely diminishing) sense of magnanimity and of conciliatory hopes on my part, I'm trying to persuade my Place of Current Employment that one of their representatives may like use of a microphone through which to mutter through gritted teeth the odd prayer for Fiance and I. VECM is concerned that my Place of Current Employment may take ahem the liberty of an impromptu half hour sermon-in-prayer, as such types are allegedly prone to do. His final comment being 'well Grace, I can only warn you, our choirboys have been known to start to riot if the prayers carry on too long'.
I wish, I wish that I could instill such fear in my Place of Current Employment. I wish that I could threaten such subversive action and be received with anything other than threats.
We met with him last night to discuss the details. Various questions of ahem style arose. In the interests of (a rapidely diminishing) sense of magnanimity and of conciliatory hopes on my part, I'm trying to persuade my Place of Current Employment that one of their representatives may like use of a microphone through which to mutter through gritted teeth the odd prayer for Fiance and I. VECM is concerned that my Place of Current Employment may take ahem the liberty of an impromptu half hour sermon-in-prayer, as such types are allegedly prone to do. His final comment being 'well Grace, I can only warn you, our choirboys have been known to start to riot if the prayers carry on too long'.
I wish, I wish that I could instill such fear in my Place of Current Employment. I wish that I could threaten such subversive action and be received with anything other than threats.
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