They’re asking me why. I’m taking my time before responding. As a salaried employee, I am under no legal obligation to provide them with a reason or justification for my resignation. They say that until I provide a reason, the speculation will generate rumours. Given that I won’t be there to hear the rumours, I will risk a few days to collect my thoughts.
It was the wedding day which decided it. Or, more specifically, the chorister who opened the service with the words from Handel’s Messiah:
And cry unto her, that her warfare, that her warfare is accomplished. And her iniquity is pardoned, her iniquity is pardoned. (Isaiah 40:2)
It was at that moment that I realised that I no longer needed to fight for my love for Beloved to be approved of, recognised or sacramentalised by any given church, or indeed by any particular person. God was there, and so were 200 people watching me walk down the aisle.
I don’t need to fight any longer. I need to concentrate on loving my new husband. And that may include finding a church which might respect my new husband a little more than the church which refused to marry us.
Yet after the turmoil of the engagement and all the various forms of explosiveness our marriage plans caused, all my working relationships there are so dismal that all endeavours to find a church that will respect Beloved would seem destined to cause more fighting.
I resigned because I did not want dismal working relationships within the church to distract me from my relationship with my new husband and with family any longer. I resigned because I did not want to fight the church or the Church any more.
The Bible, the church and the Church generally agree that committing to one’s partner and family should be considered more important than any other form of Christian service. In resigning from my job because resigning seems the only way to ensure I can do this, I am therefore doing nothing very controversial.
Except that, if I tell them that’s why I am leaving, I will have highlighted the ne'er-to-be-whispered truth that working for a church, Christian charity or faith-based social project can be so stressful that it can put relationships, families and marriages under almost intolerable pressure. That would be extremely controversial. And I resigned specifically because I wanted to stop causing controversy in the church.
With this in mind, do I disclose the true reason for my resignation?
If I do disclose the true reason for my resignation, I will – as demonstrated above – be launching a lump of something extremely brown and sticky at the proverbial.
But if I say something vague and fluffy and twee about seeking fresh pastures, I will have denied them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
And if I say nothing at all, I will no doubt soon hear that I have suffered a molar pregnancy rapidly progressing into a rare and deadly gynaecological malignancy. And the intrigue and concern of this will also deny them a potentially very beneficial opportunity to learn from all that has happened.
So really, I need to tell them at least something of why I’ve resigned.
Perhaps, newly-married or not, I’m destined to be at war with the church or Church forever...?
3 comments:
rhmVery, very well done. Good for you. I admire you immensely for sticking with your convictions.
Personally, I'd tell them your real reasons for leaving. Possibly in a letter and from a safe distance...
(Um, ignore the 'rhm' beginning to that comment. Something I didn't delete properly, I think!)
Grace
I admire your courage!
And, if you can possibly bear it, please do tell them why you resign.
You have your faith on your side, you are clearly guided by it and you have made a positive, Christ and love centered choice.
Your church has failed you at every single level. It is important that these people are told what they have done to you.
There can be no change for them, no growth point, if you simply slink away.
There's no guarantee they will grow if you talk, but what do you have to lose?
You won't be at war with The Church for the rest of your life. But you may move a little further away from the evangelical movement and closer to the traditional centre.... or to the margins.... which might be one and the same thing.
I hold you in prayers.
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