something Grace could never have made up

Before I begin, this is not one of those posts-in-which-Grace-takes-liberty-with-the-facts-to-tell-a-good-story. This happened. This actually took place.

The scene is set in GRACE's office. GRACE is deep in concentration on the computer. Her mobile rings (ringtone: Hallelujah Chorus) and GRACE fumbles in her pocket to answer.

GRACE: Hello?

FORMER LINE MANAGER FROM PLACE OF FORMER EMPLOYMENT (FLMFPOFE): Grace?

GRACE: FLMFPOFE!

FLMFPOFE: Grace, we've heard you're now working in research!

GRACE: Er, yes.. sort of. How are you? How's the family? How's everything?

FLMFPOFE: Fine. But listen love, we've got something to ask you.

GRACE: Er, go on...

FLMFPOFE: We need some research done.

GRACE: Um, OK...

FLMFPOFE: Research into, you know, how to reach the community, extend the Kingdom.

GRACE: Great.

FLMFPOFE: Could you help us?

GRACE: Er, yes, of course. But... what sort of research are you wanting.

FLMFPOFE: It's about parrots....

GRACE: Right...

FLMFPOFE: ...and about their potential in evangelism.

GRACE: What an, um, interesting, er, different idea.

FLMFPOFE: We'd be wanting you to interview the parrots.

GRACE: Er (pauses) yesssss.

FLMFPOFE: So would you do it for us? As a piece of research? Now?

GRACE: Wh-what sort of timescale are you wanting when you say, like, when you say 'now'?

FLMFPOFE: Really, really soon as possible. It's an urgent thing. We need to reach the communit here for Christ. There are young, young mums dying, you know how it is...

GRACE: Well, sometimes these things take a while to work out. We might want to sit down together to put a proposal together. Given that we're talking about interviewing, we'll have to run it through a research ethics committee.

FLMFPOFE: Oh no. I've looked it up online. The guidelines say that if you're using between 38 and 1008 parrots you don't need ethical approval.

BELOVED: (shaking GRACE awake) Graceeeeeeeeey? Darling? It's raining ... I'm not due in till 10 this morning ... would you like a lift ... shall I have a shower first...?

GRACE: (yawning) Urghm... yesss... what-what time is it?