A woman at work asked me this morning what we were doing for marriage preparation classes.
Nothing, obviously. Obviously, given that [details omitted because it's just too boring to blog about]. And given that (I'm guessing, based on no actual knowledge) that such things do not cover questions of pre-existing progeny and death-threats against brides at the wedding ceremony (I exaggerate, but only slightly), I'd always assumed that "marriage preparation" would be fairly irrelevant for Him and I.
Nevertheless, I'm curious. What are these much whispered-about "marriage preparation" courses about? Because as much as I've got too much on my mind to be bothered about being asked to learn sponge cake recipes or male trouser sizes, I could do with, well... some advice. Or just someone to ask the sort of questions you can't ask your mum or your friends. (To be fair, one friend has offered, but she's just given birth to her fifth child in as many years and doesn't seem to have slept for months.)
So whereas I suspect that much of the faith-based "marriage preparation" comes with a right-wing, family-values, Biblical-womanhood type of agenda, I still know there's a lot I need to know and I'm not sure who to ask...
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3 comments:
Hmmmm
1) If you don't have one already - get a sense of humor - STAT
2) Never go to bed angry
3) If it bugs you, don't wait until your head is going to explode to talk about it. It's prolly too late by that time.
4) Make sure you are on the same page about the big things - money, location, sex, kids, etc. Do this BEFORE the ceremony...
5) I'm married for 18 years, but, I'm barely successful, so you may want to take the above with a grain of salt...
My partner's daughter had to do these at an evangelical church she wanted to get married at because it's a nice looking church. She's not a Christian. Still, she discovered that she and her now husband really benefited from the classes.
I can find out more details if you like, but basically, they were encouraged to think about how well they knew the other person, whether they shared the same core dreams and dislikes, whether they both wanted children, what role faith played in their lives, how they treated money.... a lot of really practical as well as relationship focused things. And because they'd been together for 12years they found it helpful to go back over all of this again. They were pleased to discover that, yes, they really were as good a team and a couple as they thought they were.
We did not do marriage prep before we got married. It was almost 30 years ago, and I don't know if it was the norm then. Besides, I was two months' pregnant already. I have worked in churches for 15 years. The ones I'm familiar with are much as Erika describes.
I will add this to Eileen's list (and it was not an issue in my marriage, but was in someone else's): 6) If he has EVER hit you, kicked you, threatened to hit you, confined you against your will, or used greater size or strength to intimidate you -- get out now.
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