jesus wept

a blog post about those for whom jesus really weeps

2008-12-08T19:30:00.000Z

I emailed my letter of membership resignation to the church of Place of Former Employment yesterday. After over a decade, a real cutting of apron strings, kite strings, exhilaration, aloneness. I'm both relieved and devastated.

I think I have come to the belief that, irrespective of the question of whether or not the church is something Christ intended to found, the Church is an ideal. Certainly, the Church has incredible potential for truly functioning as the Body of Christ on earth, full of a transforming love, grace and truth with the capacity to bring the world right back to how it was before sin entered the world. However, each individual local church is limited by each one of its members being a product of the world which it seeks to transform. And each us as humans possess the capacity for love, grace and truth but also ignorance, prejudice and unkindness, so also does each local church. To put it another way, humans aren't perfect so the church and Church will never be.

So maybe when the Church rises above its own propensities and limitations, maybe that's the true miracle of the incarnation and of grace. I saw it happen many times at Place of Former Employment, and I saw also the devastation of when it failed to happen. I don't want to imply that, by leaving, I've come to consider them inadequate. It's simply that I'd rather Jesus were allowed to concentrate his weeping over the community which Place of Former Employment aims to transform rather than the intricacies of their response to one ex-employee's marital choices. I still long for the miracles to happen.

If such a miracles are to take place within the community which Place of Former Employment aims to transform, though will have to take place from within the neighbourhoods and families and children who actually live and work and suffer and play there. Grass roots stuff. Bottom up. Groudn level. Rhizomatic. Radical. Could Place of Former Employment enable or allow such a miracle to erupt from beneath or underneath itself? Yes. Would they? I hope so. The people living in those streets are some of the ones over whom Jesus really weeps.

I think it's time that I enabled Jesus to concentrate his weeping on them. I'm going to make this, then, is the final post of Jesus Wept.

This blog, I have decided, has run its course. I no longer feel as though I'm fighting the world for the right to love. I'm now married to Beloved, and have a wonderful new job as well. Sometimes the demons still come screeching and clattering in through my ear, but sometimes they make Jesus and I laugh, too. I'll continue fighting for faith and for a place within Christianity. But whereas a year or so ago I felt so alienated as to believe that God to be the only reality in the universe, I've now come to realise that my husband and family and friends are real, too. Whereas I've come to struggle with the simplicity and harshness of much that the evangelicals proclaim, I still believe that at their essence they're right in insisting that it all must begin with love and with relationships.

I've met some wonderful people, both online and offline, through this blog. I don't think it'll be long, then, before I'm back blogging again elsewhere. Anyone who would like to keep in touch or would like to know when and where my next blog emerges from, do please drop me an email at that.jesus.wept@gmail.com.

And please, keep praying for them...

Love to you all
Grace

a blog post in which Grace doesn't know what to write

2008-11-29T14:52:00.006Z

Before I begin, thanks to all of you who were so nice about my last post. I've decided simply to put it all down to the priest in question having allowed the sub-zero temperature to freeze over his repository for tact. It happens to us all sometimes. Or to me, anyway.

Which is why, at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon, I'm sat in bed piled into three fleeces. The heating has chosen the coldest day so far this winter to pack in and as darkness descends, icicles are beginning to crystallise on the insides of the window panes and a thin film of frost is beginning to harden over the dregs of my lastest cup of tea. I'm exaggerating, of course. But I'm not warm enough. Neither, though, are many people around the world. I'm simply spoiled by having lived my whole life either in warmer climes or with central heating.

I've reached yet another point of being unsure where to take this blog. I began Jesus Wept as an anonymous place to think and write about things one wasn't allowed to think or write about in my then job. Its original title was going to be The Secret Life of a Church Administrator (which I changed my mind about as a bit too revealing) and my original pseudonym was going to be the ironic Eulalia (in New Testament Greek, loosely translated as she who says the right thing, which I can't remember why I changed to Grace). Now, however, that I'd left Place of Former Employment and am free to believe, consider, discuss and write about anything, I can no longer maintain the frisson of intrigue and suspense of what might happen if I were to be Outed. By now, I suspect, Place of Former Employment have better things to worry about.

The moment of greatest pathos and irony was when, at the meeting directly following my appointment to New Job, I was informed that my alleged evangelical credentials had made them slightly uneasy about inviting me to interview.

It's proving hard to blog anonymously about New Job as it's all a bit, well, specific to what it is. And my concern is not them finding out about what I might or might not believe (which they ask me, I've told them, they're fine with) but them discovering the more emo laden bits of content here. At New Job, I'd prefer to keep my personal dramas separate from my working life. (If I manage that, it'll be a first...)

So what, then, for the future of this blog? I could de-anonymise myself and try and make it into something all academic and deep exploring the spirituality and theology of my new area of work. Or I could remain anonymous but ensure that I never write about work but concentrate on random faith questions and the general chaos clattering through my mind. Or else I blog about something totally, entirely different. Either way, I'm not entirely sure of how a blog readership might respond...

Any ideas, anyone?

Church Search 666. Grace causes offence and doesn't want to apologise

2008-11-23T12:16:00.006Z

They're very nice, those gloves of mine. They were given to me by a friend of my mother's who, as well as also being nice, is very much a respected, respectable and respectful member of a high Anglo-Catholic church. And so, given how cold it has been here recently, I wore these gloves to the church we attended this morning. I greatly admire those for whom being cold is a spiritually enriching experience, but for me it isn't. And I was told at the communion rail that, until/unless I removed these gloves, I would not be permitted to partake of the eucharistic host. And I was not told this politely, either.

I mean, WTF?

If a veto or taboo or prohibition on hand coverings were well known throughout certain echelons of the Church of England, I'd have been aware of it by now. It'd have been liturgicalised as follows

"Draw near with faith and remove your gloves.
Receive the body of our Lord Jesus which He gave for you
and the blood which he shed for you.
Eat and drink with bare hands in the remembrance that he died for you.
And feed on him, in your hearts - which though your hands by now may be stinging with cold, will be warm - by faith, with thanksgiving..."

Wouldn't it come across as rather, somewhat... legalistic? Pharisaical?

I mean, I had purple nail varnish underneath my gloves. I've been in African Indigenous Pentecostal churches with such a veto or taboo on painted nails that I'd have been instructed to don gloves in order to take communion. And if I were ever to have made First Communion in a Roman Catholic church, I'd have to have worn gloves. And it goes without saying (I hope) that Jesus has nothing to do with this. It took a few years after Jesus for the Church to consider its theological bases for sharing bread and wine and a few centuries for the Church to develop this into such fixed rituals.

So essentially, they were offended that I wore gloves. And they thought that I should have known that they'd be offended.

And that, for me, is the nub of the question. Should one, when visiting a place of worship, approach in fear and trepidation of how one might offend, be seen as inappropriate, not fit in? Or should one approach with openness, warmth and a readiness to engage with the people and their g/God/s?

And should one, when welcoming a newcomer into one's place of worship, scrutinise the finest points of the way s/he is dressed or behaving? Or should one just take them as they are for the time being, and leave the finer questions of their hand coverings as a matter of secondary importance to the gospel of Christ?

If Barack Obama is really the Revelation Antichrist (and a Muslim), what will it be like to be governed by him?

2008-11-12T18:57:00.005Z

Nothing has generated page hits to this blog to the same extent as my semi-considered attempt at being historically analytic and slightly michael taking posts considering whether Barack Obama might be the Muslim Antichrist prophesied in Revelation Chapter 13. A week after his election several dozen people each day are still reaching my blog through googling "obama revelation muslim antichrist".

I know that some people do genuinely, fervently believe that Barack Obama is foretold here in the Bible. People believe things, and some people believe more unusual things than others. For those who believe the Bible is to be read in such a way as to foretell an Antichrist, the Antichrist will destroy and bring an end to the world. And what, then, will be like for those in the US who believe Obama to be the Antichrist to stand up for the flag and the pledge of allegiance and submit to being governed by him? Terrifying, I would have thought.

Would anyone out there like to explain, contribute, comment...?

Armistice, Remembrance. 11am, November 11th 2008

2008-11-11T11:30:00.002Z

The young, young soldier is reading from the Bible. Someone standing behind Grace whispers, did you know he saw them two he joined up wiv die out in Iraq?

The two minute silence. The minister breaks in with and Lord, God, Father in heaven we thank you for the election of your great and appointed man, Barack Obama, who will save us all from war. There's crying in the congregation.

(This is Britain. Sometimes we cry about dead teenage soldiers and the dreadful things happening in the Middle East. But crying about the promises made by a politician, that's all very new.)

A message to the person who just googled "if he's the antichrist should i vote 4 him"?

2008-11-04T19:57:00.001Z

See below...

If Barack Obama's really the Revelation 13 Antichrist, surely we should feel compelled to vote for him....

2008-11-03T23:10:00.005Z

I mean, given that the Bible (allegedly) says that the Antichrist will come, surely we should not presume ourselves able to stop him. And surely, if we were to try and stop him, we'd be guilty of attempting to re-write the book of Revelation, and liable to all the dire consequences of that. So surely, then, the only available option is to vote for Obama.

He he he *Grace cackles merrily and wishes all those enfranchised to vote a happy polling day*

'Would you mind explaining for us the gaps in your CV?' Part Two

2008-11-02T18:42:00.003Z

It’s not that I’m not still loving New Job, but the workload is overwhelming. And at seven o’clock on a Sunday night I’m still worried about arriving at the office tomorrow looking horizontal with exhaustion...

Prior to my interview for New Job, I was having the usual what-will-I-say-if-they-ask-me-to-elaborate-more-specifically-upon-the-gaps-in-my-CV panic. In the event, they didn’t ask, which is of course why I got the job. So I’ve told New Job as much as they’re legally entitled to know and New Job has asked me no more than they’re legally permitted to ask. Perfect. But that’s only in relation to the management.

Colleagues, however, are being all friendly and interested. And one would never want one’s colleagues not to initiate friendship and take interest in one another. And it’s not that I have a principled objection to them knowing all about how all my youthful education and career plans were shot to pieces by the years in a loony bin. It’s just that many people either;

a) will lack the maturity to understand such things and will therefore be forever terrified to come near me in case I interfere with their kiddies behind the bike shed

and/or

b) will feel such pity for and a need to help me as to preclude any real friendship developing between me and anyone there anyway

with both a) and b) risking

c) all sorts of conflated, irrational, totally unnecessary and possibly even malicious rumours, panic and allegations

This is why I struggle, then, to know how to respond to genial yet inquisitive questions. Maybe I should worry less. But maybe I should also take heed of the way in which a) and/or b) led to c) no less than three times in the last five years.

My initial tactic was to be as vague as possible. This worked until a few of them found me on Facebook and realised me to be significantly older than they’d assumed me to be. (Flattering, that, nevertheless...) Since then, it seems, a sense of intrigue and mystique has begun to coalesce around me. One or two people are enjoying being increasingly assertive in asking me to detail everything I’ve been doing for the last ten years of my life. And then, last week, I heard that someone had told someone that the reason Grace talks a bit posh like that is because I was born in Botswana (don’t they believe my Lambeth-issued birth certificate I provided to verify my identity?) and is here in Britain because she escaped Mugabe (who was doing what to drive people out of Botswana??). So, it seems that Precious Rambotswe may have a franchise agreement with the Rumour Department at New Job.

Whatever, however, I may have fled to get here, I’m very glad it wasn’t Robert Mugabe. From Botswana, Lambeth, Zimbabwe or anywhere else ...

in which Grace is shortly to become the next great subject of internet ridicule

2008-10-29T23:01:00.004Z

The moral of the story being, if there's a camera around, insist upon them waiting for you to change. But they'd all so earnestly and gently requested a gigabyte apiece of digital photos of themselves with an Indigenous Person. The photos are already plastered across the internet. And whereas everyone else is neatly, appropriately dressed, Indigenous Person is still in her cycling attire and desperately requiring of the services of a hairbrush.

So, if you read anywhere online that the traditional folkloric robes of Grace's City of Residence are reflective, slightly muddy and worn with grotty trainers... it was me wot started it. And you heard it here first.

Ah well. At least I wasn't naked. Small mercies...

Yet another post about Obama's alleged Revelation 13 Antichrist status

2008-10-27T12:51:00.008Z

The whole saga of it all made it into the UK Guardian today. Given that the Guardian is a vaguely leftie paper still adhering to a tradition of considering itself too grown-up for God stuff, this is quite an acheivement.

Really, though, who is the Antichrist? Nobody you’ll find in the Bible, certainly. Revelation chapter 13 simply puts it as follows;

And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. He had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on his horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority ... The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise his authority for forty-two months. He opened his mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world...

So, leaving Obama aside for now, how do we get from that to the fundamentalist concept of the Antichrist as a person? The reasoning goes that, since God is all big and powerful, and since (according both to Newton in physical science terms and to Huntington in geopolitical terms) no force can exist without being opposed by an equal and opposite force. And since no force can exist without being opposed by an equal and opposite force, and since God is all big and powerful, the one who opposes God must be all macho and testosterone-laden too. And since the beastie of Revelation chapter 13 is the machoest, scariest non-God figure in the entire Bible, then he must be drafted into the Antichrist post.

There's a problem with this already, though: fundamentalists aren't supposed to do reasoning. With fundamentalism, the myth and metaphor of texts such as Revelation, as Karen Armstrong explains far better than me, are mean to be read like science textbooks. So, as a fundamentalist wanting to assert a doctrine of the Antichrist, one can only fall back on revelation: the Antichrist is how he is because God told me. And in our cosy postmodern world which has become very comfortable with the idea of people hearing all sorts of mutually contradictory things from various higher powers, it's a hard thing to refute.

So far be it for me to deny the existence for you of the Antichrist.

But how does Obama come into it? Well, in very much the same sort of way that Charles I of England came into it when people didn't want him in charge either. In both cases, God appears to have very specifically to have likened the Antichrist to the unwanted leader. And many, many times in between.

Maybe, though, God or those to whom he prophesied made some mistakes. After all, I have no grounds upon which to pronounce Obama not to be this mythically-constructed figure which some might attach the name of "Antichrist". After all, it's all convincing stuff;

According to The Book of Revelations: The Anti-Christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, he will destroy everything. And Now: For the award winning Act of Stupidity Of all times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful position on the face of the Planet -- The Presidency of the United states of America .. A Male of Muslim descent who is the most extremely liberal Senator in Congress (in other words an extremist) and in his 40s.

Whatever. But what I still don't get and can't get my head around is how one can reconcile all the obsessing about evil and all the hate-mongering, scapegoating and bile that seems to accompany all such Antichrist searching. Where does the love which Jesus kept going on and on and on about, where does that come into it? Where's it all gone...?

a very silly blog post

2008-10-26T23:02:00.003Z

I tried to create the as-suggested-by-lampbus Box Z. And yet, the more I read and re-read the blurb attached to the question, the more I realised that adding another box would not pass me the assignment. And so, I asked the parrots, and, as Steve predicted, they know exactgly what box to fit me into. And they told me to take option C.

So the assignment's all dusted away. Now, let's see if I pass...

the problem of studying something which doesn't involve God

2008-10-24T15:53:00.010+01:00

One of the most delightful things about academic study involving anything to do with God, theology or faith, is that one can never be wrong. This is because you're dealing with a Being or beings or concepts which, whether they exist or not, exist beyond the limits of human language or understanding. Therefore, one can never be proved to be factually incorrect. One is assesssed purely on one's capacity to reason or argue the point, regardless of the utter crap one may be spouting. This is why, of course, so many Religious Studies graduates apply for advertising internships and end up at law school when they're turned down. Nothing is wrong, everything is possible and most people have the potential to be persuaded of absolutely anything.

By contrast, I'm now sitting here utterly infuriated by the assignment for this course I'm currently doing. The question is clearly phrased, offering one of five possible answers A-E to be explained in only 300 words. And I don't know which of A, B, C, D or E it is because I don't understand B, C or E. And I'm not used to not being able to get away with not understanding by simply justifying why I've written something else instead. And I'm not used to the way in which I've read endless reams about the subject matter won't necessarily help. If I don't pick the "correct" answer I will fail the course, and if I fail the course I will have to keep retaking it until I pass and if I don't pass eventually I will lose my job. Not everything is possible, and eveything other than what's right is wrong.

I'm sure that, with some more thorough reading of the textbooks and a few phone calls to people who can help me understand B, C and E, I will get there. But I'm really, really not used to this...

something Grace could never have made up

2008-10-22T08:00:00.001+01:00

Before I begin, this is not one of those posts-in-which-Grace-takes-liberty-with-the-facts-to-tell-a-good-story. This happened. This actually took place.

The scene is set in GRACE's office. GRACE is deep in concentration on the computer. Her mobile rings (ringtone: Hallelujah Chorus) and GRACE fumbles in her pocket to answer.

GRACE: Hello?

FORMER LINE MANAGER FROM PLACE OF FORMER EMPLOYMENT (FLMFPOFE): Grace?

GRACE: FLMFPOFE!

FLMFPOFE: Grace, we've heard you're now working in research!

GRACE: Er, yes.. sort of. How are you? How's the family? How's everything?

FLMFPOFE: Fine. But listen love, we've got something to ask you.

GRACE: Er, go on...

FLMFPOFE: We need some research done.

GRACE: Um, OK...

FLMFPOFE: Research into, you know, how to reach the community, extend the Kingdom.

GRACE: Great.

FLMFPOFE: Could you help us?

GRACE: Er, yes, of course. But... what sort of research are you wanting.

FLMFPOFE: It's about parrots....

GRACE: Right...

FLMFPOFE: ...and about their potential in evangelism.

GRACE: What an, um, interesting, er, different idea.

FLMFPOFE: We'd be wanting you to interview the parrots.

GRACE: Er (pauses) yesssss.

FLMFPOFE: So would you do it for us? As a piece of research? Now?

GRACE: Wh-what sort of timescale are you wanting when you say, like, when you say 'now'?

FLMFPOFE: Really, really soon as possible. It's an urgent thing. We need to reach the communit here for Christ. There are young, young mums dying, you know how it is...

GRACE: Well, sometimes these things take a while to work out. We might want to sit down together to put a proposal together. Given that we're talking about interviewing, we'll have to run it through a research ethics committee.

FLMFPOFE: Oh no. I've looked it up online. The guidelines say that if you're using between 38 and 1008 parrots you don't need ethical approval.

BELOVED: (shaking GRACE awake) Graceeeeeeeeey? Darling? It's raining ... I'm not due in till 10 this morning ... would you like a lift ... shall I have a shower first...?

GRACE: (yawning) Urghm... yesss... what-what time is it?

could anyone spare some prayer?

2008-10-21T22:18:00.002+01:00

A Very Dear Friend of mine has a Significant Deadline in 17 1/2 hours and an overwhelming amount of it all to write in the meantime. A long, long story.. but well, if it all had happened to you, you'd be equally as frantic at 17 1/2 hours before deadline. So please, prayers would be most, most appreciated. Thanks.

Even with the Lord on your side, a bit of sex appeal still helps

2008-10-21T15:23:00.003+01:00

The scene is set in the lobby of GRACE's department. Four MALE MAINTENANCE/SECURITY STAFF are crowded round the widescreen television, which they have switched from BBC News 24 to FOX News. Sarah Palin is speaking and they are watching, breathless.

GRACE, having just locked herself out of her office, enters quietly from stage left.

GRACE: Um, excuse me...

MAINTENANCE/SECURITY STAFF do not respond

GRACE: (raising her voice slightly) Er, sorry to disturb you, but...

All four MALE MAINTENANCE/SECURITY STAFF slowly turn around, cringeing and all red-faced, looking as though they'd been caught reading Page 3 of The Sun .

Grace sees her old job advertised and starts thinking

2008-10-20T21:51:00.004+01:00

Before I left Place of Former Employment, I'd written, upon their request, a few bullet points suggesting how the structure of the role could be improved. So now that they're advertising, I'm aching to read their job description and person spec. Not in a voyeurisic, titilating way... but because, with the role properly set up and managed, so much more could be achieved.

Each time I've been back to the neighbourhood - and it has only been a few times - I see people I knew, lived alongside, worked with. When I was cycling back through there earlier this week, it was the little, little boy whose Mam's funeral was in my last week who stopped me to say hello. I still didn't know what to say to him, even now.

Could Place of Former Employment have prevented Mam's death? I still can't decide. It's a question, essentially, of how much we believe the c/Church can do, of how much influence and/or impact the c/Church can, could, should have over one or an Other's life, a question set against that of free will versus determinism and/or personal, social, state responsibility... and really, I don't know any more. All I know is that now all I seem able to do is pray for that family, and from my cozy new abode three miles yet half a world away, that seems so... well, inadequate...

Happy Birthday Dear Blo-ogletttttttttt

2008-10-19T23:29:00.005+01:00

Yes, today is the first birthday of my blog. What a difference a year makes. What a difference. And God has been very, very good. I'm saving my readers from me going all slushy and introspective by the embarrassment of having been utterly AWOL in an intense love triangle with both New Job and Beloved for the past three weeks... and to those to whom I owe phone calls, emails, wine or coffee, I'm very very sorry.

Maybe on the second birthday of my blog I'll reveal the never-yet-told-online story of why I really started it up. But in the meantime, here's a birthday cake. Do grab a plate and all help yourselves to a slice...

What has Prince Charles suddenly done to deserve becoming the Antichrist?

2008-09-29T09:20:00.002+01:00

Seriously, can anyone explain? All of a sudden, this weekend I've had 11 hits to this page from people googling "prince charles antichrist" or similar. And I'd thought it had all been resolved that Barack Obama was definitely the man...

Grace and Beloved's Church Search Week 15: Catholic Mass

2008-09-28T22:59:00.000+01:00

Whenever I'm in a Catholic church, it always strikes me to wonder quite what the Church of England and Rome have had to argue about*; the liturgies and their underlying theology being so startlingly similar to one another**. My suspicion is that, given that the Anglican communion service has used English since 1549 whereas the Catholic mass has used the vernacular only since 1964, there has been over four hundred years of people not realising this.

The mass we went to proceeded something like this.

CONGREGATION: Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: have mercy on us.
Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world: grant us peace.

PRIEST: This is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to his supper.

CONGREGATION: Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.

PRIEST: Right, so let me to inject in here for a minute. This is a Catholic mass, in which we as Catholics celebrate the giving of Christ's body for us as the Catholic church. All Catholics are welcome to receive and we ask that all non-Catholics here do not come to receive unless they have made their Holy Communion as Catholics and that if they aren't Catholics that they indicate clearly that they aren't Catholics to allow me to know that they're not Catholics...

That's a first, far from Catholicism as I've ever yet experienced it. I mean, I understand the Catholic position of the papally-suceeded Church of Rome being the only True Church. And I understand that certain Catholic bishops can give priests quite a bollocking for offering the elements to non-Catholics. And I'd be open to the possibility that there may have been someone for some reasons keeping an eye on this particular priest in such a way as made him feel he needed to labour the pont as he did.

But why, why is Holy Communion [the Eucharist, the Lord's Supper] only for those the Church or church has pre-vetted as Christians? And why is the church or Church often so uptight about ensuring it is?

I mean, who was it that transformed religion, faith and society by making a point of repeatedly eating with those deemed unclean, unworthy and undesirable? How might he feel about us restricting access to his Body and Blood?

*that is, of course, aside from questions of Henry VIII's wives, the Battle of the Boyne and Bloody Sunday...
**well, apart from the Pope...

Is 'lived allegory' a workable definition of prophecy?

2008-09-28T22:43:00.000+01:00

Steve Lancaster said... Oh, you have to watch allegory! Or before long you find you've written Dante's Inferno ;).

What you've written here is more than allegory, because it has been lived. (Question: is 'lived allegory' a workable definition of prophecy?

Is 'lived allegory' a workable definition of prophecy? This is the question which has preoccupied me all week. I was hoping to get a response post written, but I still can't make up my mind.

Does anyone else have any ideas, thoughts, perspectives, views to contribute? Or would Steve like to explain further...?

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 14: Grace gets lost and makes an unexpected discovery

2008-09-21T21:56:00.004+01:00

I was looking for a path. Potentially all very allegorical. I'd heard several rumours of an unmapped footpath through some woodland, which would, if it were where it were claimed to be, enable me to avoid a particularly scary roundabout whilst cycling to New Job. The trouble with that being that, whereas several rumours claimed the path to be there, none could agree its precise location. So I set off into the broad afternoon daylight to try and find it. And I got lost.

I found myself on a bright, leafy, newly-developed estate. I kept cycling through, hoping eventually to run into a main road or at least a road sign pointing to somewhere I recognised. What I finally recognised was the church. An immensely forlorn and dilapidated hut-like little building, right at the centre of the estate. I stood there, blinking, trying to account for this inexplicable sense of remembering. And then I realised. It was, I realised, a church I'd been to few times, years back when it had been temporarily hired for a few evangelistic-type meeting.

Back then, it had been a grim, dire, adjectly miserable-looking estate. The grotty little church had been very much in keeping with its overall character. Now, though, it seemed as though the entire estate, with the exception of the church, had been flattened, re-designed and rebuilt into somewhere fresher and more livable-feeling. The church, though, had remained entirely as it had been prior to the redevelopment. It stood as a centrepiece to the estate, a reminder of what a grim place the area had been.

Why, when the estate and its housing blocks, shopping precinct, pubs and verges were all redeveloped, why was the church left untouched? At first I wondered whether the church was simply a decommissioned, abandoned shell of a building, but then I saw a sign advertising its service times, toddler groups, luncheon clubs and youth activites for the estate. It's still (and its website also confirms this) very much a living, active congregation.

Perhaps the church reveals what the rest of the development doesn't, which is that new frontages and flower beds can be deceptive and that maybe many of the underlying social problems of the estate have not been solved by its redevelopment. Nevertheless, as the final building to retain vestiges of a crumbling, miserable-looking past, the church seems to carry such a backwardly-focused, hope-devoid image of its message. Very, very sad, I think. If I had a few hundred thousand pounds to donate, I'd love to build the church and the community an attractive, cosy, welcoming-looking new building for the centre of the estate...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 13: Somewhere else About Which Cannot be Blogged

2008-09-20T23:44:00.009+01:00

So let's just call it SEAWCBB for now. I feel as though I'm treadng on ice thinner than eggshells in even mentioning that I daren't blog about them. It's not that there's anything controversial, dodgy or risky about SEAWCBB, and no suggestion they'd take particular offense if they knew that I was blogging about them. It's simply that

a) they're so distinctive a faith group that I cannot yet work out a way to blog about them without revealing their precise identity and location and thus my own

and

b) a significant cohort of their congregation apparently work for New Employer, and I'd currently like to keep my working life disentangled from my religious dramas, especially as New Employer admits to almost not have shortlisted me for my post on account of their fear that I'd Bible bash them

and

c) I'm probably being paranoid about it all, I'm aware

But God was there and they were friendly so I think we'll be back to SEAWCBB. Watch this space and be intrigued. We're returning tomorrow to Exceptionally Friendly Church. Looking forward to that, too...

And what happened to Michael Guglielmucci?

2008-09-19T22:29:00.000+01:00

I was going to try and update on him, too. But then I realised that MadPriest got there first and there's a good discussion going. Like MadPriest, all of Guglielmucci's protestations that he's a helpless victim of his own mentalness has seriously eroded my sympathy...

What happened to Todd Bentley?

2008-09-19T17:11:00.004+01:00

Despite my reprehensible lack of blogging over the past week, I've still sustained upwards of fifteen visitors each day who have found me by googling to try and find out what happened to Todd Bentley. I'm still wondering, too. And it may well be no bad thing that there's barely any news. Todd has had his public vilification and I'd rather he now spent some time with God and his family to reflect on the mess he's made of it all. There's just this piece, for which Todd's wife Shonnah seemingly declined to be interviewed yet denies knowledge of where her husband even is. Horrible. How does she explain that to the kids? If it's true that Todd's just sodded off, is he ever planning to come back to sort out custody or access arrangements?

Despite all this, there have been some interesting commentaries around the blogosphere.

Lakeland Closure. A bit late perhaps has some very calm and thoughtful points to make. And Rupert's Lakeland and Toronto Part 1 and Part 2 does a subtle not-throwing-the-baby-out-with-the-bathwater job.

I'm still worrying, though, about his kids...

first impressions

2008-09-15T15:42:00.003+01:00

A cluster of early 80s municipally-architectured low-rise buildings hidden in a crop of giant bushes in an expansive, waterlogged field half-way to the beach. Unusually peaceful, almost rural, even. Friendly people, too. They've set me up all registered on the postgrad course which accompanies or even characterises it all and suddenly I'm a student again. I've never studied in the middle of a field before. All my previous academic efforts have been in town centre or inner-city surroundings. I wonder whether all this green space will filter into my thinking. I wonder whether there's ever been any research done to determine how population or building density affects academic output. And now, rather than simply wondering, I could get onto Athens and look it up.

Thank you to everyone who sent their good wishes for today.

what makes an australian bottle tree weep?

2008-09-14T16:37:00.002+01:00

I don't know. I wonder, did the person who entered "what+makes+an+australian+bottle+tree+weep+?" into google and then found my blog, did he or she get an answer?

Oh no not another post on Sarah Palin's daughter

2008-09-13T17:03:00.000+01:00

I’d thought that, whilst I was away, the relentless furore surrounding Sarah Palin’s daughter might have abated. It hasn’t. Both Bristol’s pregnancy and her supposedly impending wedding to her boyfriend Levi Johnson are still being exploited to make every conceivable (no pun intended) political, social and religious point about sex education, abstinence-based or otherwise, about teenage pregnancy, about shotgun marriage, about working mothers, about everything conceivably (oops) related to the Family Values agenda. What seems to be missing are the questions of context, of what it means to be 17, unmarried and pregnant as the daughter of the governor of a cold, distant, right-wing US state. What it means, as the daughter of an Alaskan governor, to be 17 and unmarried or 17 and pregnant or unmarried and pregnant is question enough. I can only speak from British experience in observing that, in many educated, middle-class areas, the whole thing would be totally inconceivable, in some minority communities most girls are married the minute they turn 16 anyway and in many marginalised inner-city communities, the idea of marriage is entirely beyond conception at age 27 or 37 let alone 17. So whatever one believes Uncle Sam or indeed God himself to believe, context is everything.

Essentially, though, there are really only two people who know the circumstances of the conception of Junior Johnson-Palin. There are therefore only two can speak honestly about the extent to which the baby and the marriage were planned or wanted (though Levi’s MySpace ‘I don’t want kids’ assertion is a bit of a giveaway) and only two families who know how the Palins and the Johnsons responded to the news.

And aside from questions of context and the relevance of it all to any form of political or moral campaign... I mean, please, Bristol’s 17. 17. Think back to when you and/or your sister or daughter was 17. Would you and/or she have been able to handle the world’s media in your/her face? Could the world’s media therefore please leave Bristol Palin alone?

Grace returns from her travels

2008-09-13T15:32:00.000+01:00

I’m back. Back to a letter inviting me to start New Job. Back to a letter inviting me to start New Job on Monday. This coming Monday. Like, in less than 48 hours. Eeek. Deep breath. The bike ride there is terrifying and I don’t know what to wear and I can’t remember which of the panel that interviewed me is the person I’m meant to report to and I can’t remember what it was I said in the interview which caused them to give me the job and I haven’t got time for a haircut beforehand and I’m petrified I will fall out with my supervisor in the first ten minutes and I’ve heard the coffee is dreadful. Deep breath. I can’t believe that it has been 12 weeks since I left Place of Former employment and 8 weeks since I was offered New Job. Most of how I have spent these last 12 weeks has entirely unbloggable but utterly exhausting, exhilarating, limit-stretching and probably impossible had I either been at Place of Former Employment or looking for another job. So given what a blessing it’s all been, maybe I was right in somehow thinking that Him Up There really did want me to leave Place of Former Employment. Deep breath. It’s exciting. And for the final 48 hours of my 12 week holiday, I’m sitting in my mum’s garden scanning all her baby photos into my laptop. Life is good, surely...

Normal service will shortly be resumed...

2008-09-05T16:59:00.003+01:00

... but in the meantime, I'm off to an undisclosed European capital with family. And praying for all those left behind in Britain and the USA in the rain and midst of election coverage.

I'll be back!

Call upon the Lord or The Cat who thinks he's God

2008-09-05T11:34:00.004+01:00

The scene is set at home. BELOVED is out for the evening and a crowd of 70-odd teenagers have descended for a night of merrymaking and revelry. GRACE has retreated to the bedroom with her proverbial cup of cocoa and the laptop. The cat, AMOS, is wandering bemused and disorientated outside. GRACE creeps downstairs to call AMOS in.

GRACE: Amos! Aaaaaaaaaa-mos!

TEENAGER 1: What?

TEENAGER 2: It's her cat. He's called Amos. You know, as in from the Bible...

TEENAGER 3: Let's help her out!

TEENAGERS 1-70: Amos! Aaaaaaaaaa-mos! Come here! Good boy!

AMOS does not respond.

TEENAGER 3: I know. Let's all call Jesus and see what happens!

TEENAGERS 1-70: Jesus! Jeeeeeeeesus! JEEEEEEE-SUSSSSSSSSSSS!

AMOS comes running through the door and bounds in amongst the partygoers. TEENAGERS 1-70 applaud. TEENAGER 3 offers AMOS a swig from his pint glass of red wine, which AMOS takes by his front paws and drinks...

hello again

2008-09-03T01:21:00.003+01:00

Apologies for the unscheduled blog outage.

I've been utterly diverted and detained by myphotobook.co.uk and using it to put our wedding photos into albums. Extremely compulsive and consuming. Not something one should undertake with a lengthy list of more pressing things to do. Never before, though, have I been in a position of having nothing more pressing than the wedding photos.

Tomorrow, I'm filling out my tax return for 2006/7, fixing my bike lights, seeking to purchase Beloved a few new shirts and myself a reflective jacket, tackling a pile of handwash-onlies, trying to unravel with LloydsTSB the mystery of the pin number they sent me which doesn't work and attempting my domestic goddess act on removing the cat sick stains from the upstairs landing. This means, of course, that I'll be back online pronto. Of course.

Grace and Beloved's Church Search Week 11: An exceptionally friendly church

2008-08-31T22:16:00.005+01:00

SCENE 1: A SERVICE AT EXCEPTIONALLY FRIENDLY CHURCH (EFC)
EFC is celebrating the Eucharist. GRACE stands up to join the line as BELOVED stays seated, as is his preference. Three women approach Grace as she queues.

WOMAN ONE: Does your husband need communion taking to his seat?

GRACE: He doesn't take communion. But thank you, anyway.

WOMAN TWO: Would he mind us introducing ourselves to him after the service?

GRACE: Not at all. He'd love that, I'm sure. Thanks.

SCENE 2: ALMOST AN HOUR AFTER THE END OF THE SERVICE
All three women plus the husband of one of them and the vicar and curate are still sitting talking intently, animatedly and interestedly to BELOVED. GRACE has protested several times that she and BELOVED do not want to detain them, but all insist that they have nothing more delightful to do than consider the questions of such a man as BELOVED.

Jesus, I think, would have been so proud.

... and the first shall be last and the last shall be first

2008-08-30T16:02:00.003+01:00

Interesting. What follows is the number of pageloads my statcounter has so far recorded for the following posts...

For my post on my own employment tribulations... 6.
For my post on Patricia King... 12.
For my post on Todd Bentley... 15.
For my post on Michael Guglielmucci... 29.
For my post on Brandt Russo... 83.

"Praise the Lord and pass the business plan as God embraces Mammon": a prophecy of the pissing off of Pentecostals by today's Guardian article.

2008-08-29T14:09:00.008+01:00

The article in question, subtitled "Pentecostalist gathering draws worshippers with get-rich philosophy", and written by Robert Booth, is online here.

Basically, it's an expose of the dire materialism and cringe-inducing prosperity-gospelness of the International Gathering of Champions "Empowered to Prosper conference" and of the Kingsway International Christian Centre, who are running the event. The reporting about the KICC is probably fair journalism. But the implication that all such churches and all such over-involvement with money is typical of Pentecostalists (I assume he means Pentecostals) is, I think, slightly misjudged, inaccurate and destined to outrage.

Pentecostalism began in early 20th Century America as a way of reigniting the power which came down on the early Church from the Holy Spirit at the first Pentecost, and of harnessing that power to liberate and transform every sphere of each person's life. So whereas there's an emphasis on God doing miraculous and very practical things - bringing healing, restoring families and relationships, arranging jobs, marriages and pregnancies - it's also about developing very individual, personal, ecstatic, emotional, intimate relationships with God. Given that God is so involved and immersed in the minutae of everyday life, then God must be concerned with an individual's financial situation. But, within mainstream Pentecostalism, money is only one apsect of a holistic bigger picture.

The clue to how, within the article, the fallacy may have arisen, is the author's implication (though, to be fair, not an assertion) that Pentecostalism began in Oklahoma. What began in Oklahoma was the whole word-faith, seed-faith, prosperity-gospel millieu. With Kenneth Hagin in Tulsa and then in Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, to be precise, though its roots go back much further and broader than that. What word-faith teaches is that, seeing as we are healed by the wounds of Jesus (Isaiah 53:5, far removed from its original meaning) and given that God has promised us anything we ask for in his name (John 14:3, used entirely out of context) then all believers have the right to demand of God perfect health and limitless financial prosperity. Which is all entirely materialistic, but again, not entirely about the money. Mostly, but not entirely.

So I'll be interested to read what the KICC, and what some of the many un-financially-obsessed Pentecostals have to say about the Guardian article...

a post that doesn't mention Todd Bentley but describes the joy of public sector employment in the UK

2008-08-28T14:32:00.004+01:00

Seven weeks ago, I was offered and accepted a New Job, which was set to begin in early September. During the past seven weeks, I have made several attempts to ascertain why I'd received nothing whatsoever yet in writing, and to enquire when and where I'd start and how they'd like to pay me. All of my emails went unanswered, and each time I rang I was passed in quick succession between various departments, each one holding the other responsible for the dearth of information. This morning, one of their most junior administrators let slip the reason for all the delays and obfuscations: they haven't yet managed to secure any funding for my post, nor for those of about six others also recently appointed.

Now I understand that within the public sector, people's posts do often disappear and anticipated posts sometimes do fail to materialise. But what I can't get my head around is why they advertised, interviewed and offered work to so many people, without knowing how they were going to pay them...

Todd Bentley, Michael Guglielmucci... and Brandt Russo

2008-08-27T22:32:00.008+01:00

The sordid, tragic sagas of both Todd Bentley and Michael Guglielmucci are continuing to unfold and reverberate around the internet. Yet in the midst of it all, I found this article from the Charleston Gazette in West Virginia.

Charleston-based street evangelist in Florida jail
Charleston-based street evangelist Brandt Russo was in jail today after trying to hold services at a church in Lakeland, Fla.
Russo was arrested Tuesday at Lakeland's Ignite Church and charged with trespassing after he tried to hold communion services on church property, said friend and supporter Charessa Wilkinson. Russo was in the Polk County Jail on $500 bond this morning, according to jail records.

An ordained minister, Russo decided to give up his worldly goods, live on the streets and minister to the homeless. Russo decided to settle in West Virginia after visiting the state on a religious tour.

Earlier this month, Russo took his vegetable oil-powered school bus on a trip to different cities he has visited to shoot a documentary film about life on the streets. Wilkinson said Russo decided to go to Lakeland after learning of the plight of about 40 homeless men who are trying to live in a swamp about 100 yards from Ignite Church.

Russo believes leaders of the church -- until recently, home of controversial evangelist Todd Bentley -- should be doing more to help the homeless men camped right outside their door, Wilkinson said.

Russo, who has been thrown out of or asked to leave several nationally known charismatic churches, is not above using civil disobedience to draw attention to the plight of the homeless.

I believe that Brandt Russo has done entirely what Jesus would have: stepped aside from the plight of the religious bigwigs and got himself a troublemaking reputation for standing up to defend the oppressed and marginalised right in the temple compound.

Meanwhile, all the charismatic big shots have come out to distance themselves from and apologise for Todd Bentley and the family of Michael Guglielmucci have come out to affirm his need for love and healing. Todd Bentley's wife Shonnah allegedly wants nothing more to do with him, whilst Michael Guglielmucci's wife Amanda is allegedly determined that their marriage will survive. Todd Bentley is said to be praying and thinking before saying anything public, whereas Michael Guglielmucci has been on prime-time Australian TV attempting to explain himself. And I've got to the point of wondering, maybe this is enough. Maybe, as a person interested in what's happening and willing to pray yet entirely untouched by the former ministry or current unravelling of either Todd Bentley or Michael Guglielmucci, I don't need to know any more. Maybe the discussion and speculation of both is now best left to those directly affected.

Instead, maybe the media spotlight and blog space could divert to individuals like Brandt Russo. He sounds an amazing prophet, role model and human...

*Grace wonders about spending the $50 she refused to be parted with earlier on sending a large bunch of flowers to Polk County Jail*

ChurchSearch Week 10: Grace considers Patricia King's Extreme Prophetic XPWebChurch, but is put off by the $50 demanded at the door

2008-08-27T17:14:00.009+01:00

Extreme Prophetic with Patricia King. A brief glance at their website suggests that they're likely to be what most Christians would consider somewhat heterodox or a bit dodgy. Their Doctrinal Statement which concludes

We believe God loves us with an everlasting love and has come to give us a future and a hope! Yippy! Yeah God!

does little to dispel this impression. However, I'm intrigued by the shamanic, gnostic, generally New Agey and mystical tone to it all. It seems very unusual, and I'd wanted to learn more. I'd wanted to try out their XPWebchurch both because of this and because, as an online community, it seems very well thought out and structured and generally very interesting.

And then they asked me for $50. In fact, if you read the introductory page, the link to the Tithes and Offerings page appears above the link to the Doctrinal Statement. That's seriously a bit worrying. And then, if you click to read the Tithes and Offerings Policy, you're told

Some have said, "I can't afford to tithe.” I would simply answer this by saying that you can’t afford not to!

Do they seriously not realise that the phrase you can't afford not to is the utterly stereotypical response of every money-scamming Scientology-style cult?

Can they not afford to freely share the good news of Jesus which came for free and brings limitless freedom at no cost, even for a 7-day introductory trial?

Thank you, whoever you are. But who are you? A blogosphere whodunnit.

2008-08-27T10:58:00.004+01:00

OK, who submitted my blog details to Wikio?

I'd thought Wikio just automatedly pulled stuff off Google, but it seems that the only publish links to what they're sent. And they weren't sent nuffink from me.

I inexplicably seem to have (almost) prime place on their Todd Bentley page. In terms of the pageload activity it's generating, this is fab and wonderful and brill and I'm hugely, (almost) tear-jerkingly grateful. But I'm just curious to know who put me there.

Anyone know anything?

wondering what Michael Guglielmucci and Todd Bentley are saying to the Church

2008-08-26T09:29:00.001+01:00

Oh dear. First Todd Bentley, now Michael Guglielmucci. It hasn't been a good month for the Church, and especially not its charismatic bits.

Briefly put, Michael Guglielmucci is an Australian youth pastor from Adelaide, so tragically stricken by the effects of terminal cancer that he needed an oxygen tube to manage on stage. The disturbing bit of that being that his cancer was something he'd entirely made up, fabricated and faked, and had sung and preached about to thousands of people. Like he's doing below.

The full story is throughout the Australian press.

And Guglielmucci has now been speaking to the media about why he did it. His claim is that he's 'addicted to porn' and needed, essentially, a credible-sounding illness to distract himself from it and cover it up from others. He claims that his obsession with porn is so strong that he has been losing his hair and throwing up every evening, and that he therefore needed a socially-acceptable explanation for these symptoms.

But losing one's hair and constantly vomiting are not symptoms of over-involvement with porn. Instead, they are fairly common and widespread reactions to stress. So why, given that Guglielmucci's "symptoms" arose through the horrendous pressure of being both a minister of Christ to young people and a man struggling with a life-consuming obsession, why could he have not admitted all this to those he chose in his church and/or family and asked for help and support and prayer?

I would like to hope that such help, support and prayer would have been readily and discreetly forthcoming. Yet the Church, as a whole, does not have a good track record of dealing maturely or compassionately with people's sexual difficulties. The Church is still saturated by a such a simplistic dualism in which people are morally responsible for what goes wrong with their minds but powerless over what happens with their bodies, and assumes that body and mind can clearly be delineated from one another. So by presenting himself with a form of cancer known as having no environmental causes rather than an ambiguous and somewhat amorphous sexual and/or obsession-type problem, Guglielmucci became a victim of a disease, a hero and a role model rather than the pervert he may have been regarded as. I'm not excusing Guglielmucci's behaviour, and I'm not suggesting that deceiving people by fabricating cancer is ever remotely acceptable. But I think that the Church, by expecting so much and so intensely of its leaders, whilst often offering disproportionately little to support them, must bear the blame for pushing some of its leaders past what they can cope with...

Normal service resumes

2008-08-26T00:02:00.002+01:00

Phew. All the dramas and security threats surrounding our church search and my blogging have, I think, finally dissipated. I'm sorry for all the chaos. Hello again.

Normal service will shortly be resumed...

2008-08-21T10:35:00.005+01:00

... but for the moment, I need a few days away from blogging here. In light of all of the offline fallout from our Church Search* and my blogging about it**, it feels somehow wrong that I should carry on blogging here without doing anything about it. Not that I know, however, what to do about it... but I'm hoping that God might have some suggestions.

I'll be back Tuesday, after the Bank Holiday weekend. I'll still be lurking, paranoidedly checking for sudden clusters of local pageloads and troll comments... but in the meantime, I'll put all of the non-contentious "church search" and "place of former employment" posts back.

* basically, Beloved and I visiting a lot of local churches with a view to finding one in which he as well as I is welcome to participate
** not that (I'm fairly certain) any of our detractors have read even found this blog to read anything I've written

I'm a Kick Ass blogger, according to Kate

2008-08-20T14:16:00.006+01:00

Kate from the Morningstar Chronicles nominated me for this

Grace, at Jesus Wept, because Jesus surely does, at what she’s been through because of her previous place of employment, and her struggle to find a new church home.

which was really kind of her.

So the rules are that, if you're awarded a Kick Ass award

1. Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are "Kick Ass Bloggers"
2. Let 'em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they've received an award
3. Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to www.mammadawg.com
4. Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!

Being English and all, the concept of Kick[ing] Ass doesn't generally feature in my vocabulary. I once lived in a student house in which we shared a bottle of Kick Ass Chilli sauce to put on our fish and chips, but that's about it. But of course, I know what you mean.

OK, so who are my five? I've spent the whole day thinking about this... and have reached the conclusion that, whereas I'm probably thinking far too deeply about it all, I can't follow the rules.

I could never choose just five. There are too, too many excellent blogs out there. And for me the real Kiss Ass-ers of the blogosphere aren't the bloggers as much as the commenters. I think it's Roland Barthes who says that narrative and thought are created not so much by those who write as those who respond to what's written. Although I don't know much about literature, I can see what he's getting at with regard to the Bible, theology and blogs, which are the main forms of writing with which I am familiar.

And so, I'm going to pass on my kick-ass blog award to some of the most thoughtful and dedicated blog-readers and commenters I know, from all of blogs I read, both those on and beyond my blogroll. I've put them in alphabetical order, to avoid any inference of preference. And seeing as I've broken the rules already, I've chosen eight.

Here they are...

Caroline. We started out blogging together. Most of what she now writes either goes zooming over my head in its academic acumen, or makes me blush because it's so rude. But she's so wonderfully unafraid of writing some bold, challenging and very funny things.
Erika. Her Blogger profile says it all. (My cooking improves with wine quality, too.) Just an altogether lovely, lovely person.
Erin. One of life's gentle people... and a blog that's extremely thought-provoking...
Lampbus. One of these days I'll ask him what his name means... a male version of Bagpuss, maybe? He never fails to make all those around him think more deeply.
Lilwatchergirl. Yet another stunningly good writer, with a real gift for brave, clear thinking. (And a partner that talks almost as much as mine, too.)
Peter Ould. I disagree with almost everything of his I've read, but I admire his creativity and capacity for argument.
Razzler, The. Zooming across the blogosphere daily, she's a very good friend to a great number of people.
Ruth. In between writing a textbook, caring for a sick dog, coordinating support for a family with sick children she still has time to blog... yet she's, again, so thoughtful.

why I can't join the condemnation of Todd Bentley

2008-08-19T22:02:00.007+01:00

Todd Bentley. I've been watching him and the Lakeland Revival on the GOD Channel and YouTube for a few months now. Headbutting the groins of cancer sufferers for whom you're praying whilst shouing "wham-bam!" isn't my understanding of how God generally works (see clip below) but it held my fascination in wondering what it was about him that drew people to his ministry, godly or otherwise. I think it was all his talk of the transsexual angel named Emma which endeared me to him. As one also prone to conversing with supernatural apparitions with a questionable connection to reality, I felt some kinship with a 32 year old man still so firmly and childishly attached to his imaginary friend.

During the past week, it has emerged that Todd Bentley has been having an unhealthy relationship on an emotional level with a female member of his staff, and hadn't been honest about it. The Christian press, and the charismatics in particular, are extremely angry and are using the revelation as evidence that Bentley was, all along, an unsavoury character, a snake-oiled charlatan and a possible agent of Satan.

All I can feel, though, is really, really sorry for Todd Bentley*. I'm not condoning his sexual misdeeds, nor suggesting that his offbeat antics have been innocuous or harmless to those his ministy has confused and hurt. I think it's entirely necessary that Bentley steps down from his position, I would hope to see a public repentance appear on YouTube soon and I would be very annoyed to see him back on stage any time soon. But haven't we all of us, under the pressure of overwork, stress or heightened emotion, committed acts that were shockingly immoral, destructive, thoughtless, dishonest, abusive or stupid?

Despite all that has happened, I cannot believe that there was nothing of God in Todd Bentley's ministry. And so, I find it oddly reassuring that God is willing and able to use someone as odd and misguided and sinful as the rest of us...

But what do others out there think?

*Of course, I really feel sorry for his wife Shonnah and their kids, too.

a fairly stunning piece of writing I found from Julie Burchill

2008-08-18T23:35:00.002+01:00

In her latest piece, she's talking about her faith. It was in last Thursday's Guardian, but I've only just read it.

My favourite vicar, the Reverend Gavin Ashenden of Sussex University, never says, "I am a Christian," but rather "I'm trying to be a Christian". Me too. Between the darkness that faces me from within and the darkness that faces me from without, it may just prove to be the hardest thing I've ever done. I love it.

The full article is here.

Ever since I graduated from the Funday Times, I've always loved Julie Burchill. Always wanted to write as startlingly well as her. Always admired her supreme ability to write the most audacious, shocking, shit-stirring things, and then to allow all resulting vitriol and fury to so gracefully slide past her. Not that this piece is excessively over-controversial, or not by her standards, anyway. It's mainly a very genuine encapsulation of faith...

what happened to all those mysteriously disappearing posts tagged "church search" and "place of former employment"

2008-08-17T22:14:00.010+01:00

I've only archived them for now. This means that I'll be able to put them back up whenever. I don't know whether taking them offline for now was something necessary, wise, advisable or crucial to prevent my eyeballs being gouged out... or whether I'm simply manufacturing yet more boring, self-indulgent emo-shit drama to detract from the real troubles of the world in South Ossetia and Mauritania. But I've turned on Comment Moderation and installed a titanium-plated statcounter, too.

Basically, I've just had yet another fairly explosive discussion about my decision to leave Place of Former Employment and our Church Search endeavour, this time from someone who I'd thought to be a friend... and my blogging about it all came into it, even though she'd obviously not read my blog. My concern following our altercation is that one or more people nearby may currently be googling themselves into a frenzy attempting to find my blog.

Or maybe they're not. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and should get offline and onto my marital duties. Or maybe they're really out to get me because I deserve it. Maybe I do have demons impregnated in my soul. Maybe I am an agent of Satan predestined to desecrate the Body of Christ or at least the odd ecumenical partnership round here. There's a fluffy red blob-like creature sitting at the end of the bed as I write this, stroking the cat with a shiny trident..

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 9: St Paul-of-almost-anywhere

2008-08-17T12:01:00.008+01:00

[Original post deleted because it was probably unnecessarily hard on the place. We'll go back when it isn't raining.]

an extremely good poem I found, which says a lot about faith today

2008-08-16T23:39:00.005+01:00

Cyber-Psalm 44: On Reading Christopher Hitchins
by David Ker

Religion poisons everything.
god is not great.
god did not create us.
We created god.

The calm voice of reason batters my ecstasy.

Fanatics burn effigies.
Holy men declare fatwas.
Statues weep and trees speak.
Denominations recursively reduplicate.

Theocracies and theologies threaten.

What is the essence within the devout accoutrements?
Who is the divine behind the curtain?
Are we worshipping our own shadow on the wall?
Carpenter? King? Ephemeral Pantokrator?

Why am I still unmoved by the seeming soundness of your mocking?

pneuma has blown away my resistance.
agape has enfolded me in its harmony.
koinonia has broken through my isolation.
logos has spoken the final word.

While reason and religion rage, my heart sings to God.

Did God intend the church?

2008-08-15T11:35:00.006+01:00

(Recycled and reposted from my piece from a few weeks back on The Crowded Handbasket)

From a fairly straightforwardly literal reading of Matthew’s gospel (16:13-18), yes.

“But what about you?” he [Jesus] asked. “Who do you say I am?”

Simon Peter answered, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”

Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church [Greek: ekklesia], and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”

Briefly put, the Roman Catholic understanding is that the ekklesia is built on the rock of Peter, the first Pope and that he and every subsequent Pope has the authority to act as the gatekeeper of heaven. There is no ekklesia but the Church which has inherited the true apostolic succession, and no possibility of salvation outside the Church. The traditional Protestant assertion, however, is that it is not Peter who is the rock but his statement you are the Christ, the Son of the Living God, and that the ekklesia and all routes to God and based simply upon a confession of that truth. The problem is, one could really choose to read Jesus’ you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church in either of the two possible ways. The word Peter (petros) means rock in Greek, and Greek has neither capital letters to distinguish rock from Rock, nor an indefintive article to distinguish a rock from the rock. This is why there was so much bloodshed and pillage at the Reformation and Inquisition over the origins and authority of church or the Church and suchlike. But either way, is this what Jesus intended?

The story of what happens after Jesus suggests, perhaps, not.

Was what Jesus calls the ekklesia anything remotely akin to the church or Church today? In contemporary Greek, ekklesia is simple an assembly of people. Yet the early Jesus Disciples worshipped not in their own assembly or organisation but in the Jewish Temple and then, after the fall of the Temple, the synagogues. What led them to start worshipping separately was not a belief that Jesus had told them to, but the malediction written into the synagogue liturgy, in which everyone wanting to worship in the synagogue had to recite a curse condemning Followers of The Way. So if, in the early days after the Ascension, Jesus’ followers and their Jewish contemporaries had got along together better, would the ekklesia have been necessary?

Soon, though, Gentiles began following Jesus and (after a bit of wrangling between Peter and Paul), the Jesus Fellowers decided the Holy Spirit was telling them that it didn’t make sense ro require them to convert to Judaism in order to follow Christ. This, then, is what really established the ekklesia. Was it a wise decision?

So is the church or the Church in whatever form, is it really what Jesus, what God ever intended for us?

Grace's Spiritual Homemaking Challenge: Update #5

2008-08-14T22:26:00.005+01:00

Well, the bedroom and living room and study are now looking all sparkly and, despite his liberated facade, Beloved is overwhelmed with delight at having a wife devoted to such domestic, er, devotedness.

The concludion I'm beginning to reach about the spirituality of homemaking is thus that, essentially, it's all about the relationship one has with the one for whom one is cleaning and being domesticatedly committed to... that only then does God come into it.

in which Grace receives yet more evidence of how blogging about Satan will desecrate your pageload activity

2008-08-14T22:05:00.002+01:00

Yes, it has happened again. After the post I put up about Him Downstairs this morning, my hit rate plummetted in exactly the same way it did last time I got posting about Satan. Oops.

Barack Obama competes with Prince Charles for definitive Antichrist status as Satan is alleged incarnate yet again

2008-08-14T11:55:00.003+01:00

Blogspot is now hosting the blog entitled Barack Obama the Antichrist.

It is a genuine attempt to express a view that the end of the world finally is nigh... or merely a nifty Republican campaign tool?

Either way, it's an age-old eschatopolitical (or did I make that word up?) trick. At this point I was going to attempt something all serious and scholarly in probing for parallels between the antichrist charges made against Obama in the US today and Charles I in Britain in 1640. As soon as I put "charles antichrist" into Google, however, I became sidetracked by the realisation that today's Prince Charles is also beset with antichrist allegations. Watch what follows... and weep.

a link to a much more interesting blog discussion than all this talk of my housework

2008-08-13T12:17:00.003+01:00

Seaneen, on The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive, is talking about the ethics of eugenics. I don't agree with her and neither do many of those responding... but it's shaping up to be a fascinating discussion...

Grace's Spiritual Homemaking Challenge: Update #4

2008-08-13T11:47:00.005+01:00

I'm bored. So bored that my imagination, in its newly-married state, is beginning to explore some interesting horizons.

This spiritual homemaking, biblical womanhood, antifeminist stuff is all a plot from the patriarchy, surely. An attempt to justify keeping women in their place chained to the kitchen sink. This is fine for women who enjoy keeping their houses clean, enjoy the bondage-type thrill of domestically delighting their husbands in a kinky submissive sort of way... and truly, yes, one can find Christ whilst doing absolutely anything... but no, I'm yet to be turned on by rubber gloves...

But I've (whilst plugging on with the housework) just counted eleven rolls of sellotape in the bedroom. Endless possibilities, surely...

in which Grace can't stop thinking about Satan

2008-08-12T21:26:00.002+01:00

I've moved my post about him to The Crowded Handbasket. Do pop over and join the discussion!

Grace's Spiritual Homemaking Challenge: Update #3

2008-08-12T09:58:00.002+01:00

Day Two. Well, it can't go any more pear-shaped than yesterday. Ah well. Today I will attempt to clean Marital Bedroom. And maybe write something that doesn't bore my blog readers half to death, too...

... and every man's death diminishes me - part 2

2008-08-11T16:50:00.003+01:00

Another brutal, premature, unnecessary, senseless death of someone at Place of Former Employment. It's going to be reported in the media, so I can't say more (and, if, commenting, you do know more, please, don't) but any and all prayers for families and friends would be much welcomed.

Grace's Spiritual Homemaking challenge: Update #2

2008-08-11T14:09:00.003+01:00

Well, I accomplished all the various replacements of household items. But, in the midst of how stressed I was getting with it all, I ended up arguing with Beloved. Not the intention of the exercise. Oh dear. Bad, bad start.

I might have to curl up and watch some Veggie Tales before I resume in the bathroom. Good clean fun and all, anyway...

Grace's Spiritual Homemaking challenge: Update #1

2008-08-11T10:14:00.004+01:00

So I made a shopping list. I'd like to claim that I then spent the morning joyously cycling between local organic fairtrade cooperatives and struggling neighbourhood greengrocers and buying lots of Ecover and fresh fennel. That would be a lie. Instead I realised that we needed so much more than I could ever carry that I'd have to email Mr Leahey and get Tesco to deliver the lot in a huge carbon-emitting van tomorrow morning. Sorry planet. Sorry God. Not a good start...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSeach Week 8.1: Grace seeks to discover the spirituality of homemaking

2008-08-10T21:53:00.009+01:00

As in, homemaking, homemaking, homemaking...

If this weren't an anonymous blog, I'd upload you a webcam picture of my tongue poking ever so slightly into my cheek. I was brought up as a liberated young lady, a child of Madonna and Whitney Houston and the early 80s girls days school movement, all primed and Miss Jean Brodied to conquer the workplace with my shoulder pads and trek as a missionary to Darkest Africa. So the idea that I dedicate the next week to trying to find some connection with God through mere domesticity, it's all a bit, er, challenging.

But then, I need a challenge. New Job is not going to be commencing for another few weeks, Beloved is insisting (oh how harsh of him) that I don't busy myself with agency bum-wipings in the meantime and, yes, our Marital Home is needing some hardcore housework. And, as much as I take the mick out of such things, I do want to look after my Beloved.

And, more to the point, unless I can find some spiritual fulfilment in doing the "homemaking", it's not likely to happen to any reasonable standard. Honestly, I can't be bothered. I don't have the OCD-type drive to keep things in order, nor do I derive any particular pleasure or pride in tidyness, nor does Beloved ask, encourage, demand or complain about the state of Marital Home, nor does he take any particular delight in things being neat. So essentially, I'll need God to motivate me off my arse to get started. And I'll give Him a week, to start off with

My tasks for tomorrow then, are as follows
1. To do a big, economically-minded trip to the Budget Supermarket to stock up with 11p tinned tomatoes, Polish drain cleaner, recycled loo paper and the like.
2. To take our final few frame-requiring wedding items to the local frame shop.
3. To replace the teapot someone dropped last week.
4. To replace the sofa cushion someone weed on last year.
5. To scrub Marital Bathroom until it's all shiny.

And in the meantime, I'm sitting here blogsearching and reading about Christian homemaking and Biblical womanhood and the joy of housework and wondering whether, if I truly seek God enough, I could reach such a level of serenity and peace and warmth from scrubbing cat hair out from between the shower tiles

I will update you...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 8: Grace stays home to take stock of it all

2008-08-10T15:45:00.007+01:00

One of the main things I've realised during the past eight weeks of churchsearching, is how most curchgoers claim a very clear and fixed idea about what church or The Church is or should be, but how different from one another these understandings can be. In academic theology, there's the discipline of ecclesiology, which deals with questions of what the church is or means or does or should do, but I'm not sure that this has much of an impact on the views or understandings or breadth of thinking of most churchgoers.

What follows, then, is a Survey of Popular Views on church observed amongst congregation members in a variety of Protestant denominations in urban Britain, June-August 2008

1. As the Body of Christ on earth (Embodied with the being, essence, substance, authority of the risen Jesus)
2. As what Jesus founded when he made Peter and/or Peter’s Confession the origin of apostolic succession (See the start of my Crowded Handbasket piece)
3. As a way the early Christians found to organise themselves as a group, which subsequent generations have continued and/or replicated (See the rest of my Crowded Handbasket piece)
4. As a club (Somewhere for people who believe what we do)
5. As a community (Somewhere for everyone to learn and share together)
6. As a personal thing (As something between the individual and God)
7. As a sacramental community (Celebrating communion/Eucharist/Lord’s Supper/Breaking of Bread together, conducting marriages, baptisms/christenings/confirmations etc)
8. As an evangelical community (Existing to spread the gospel, proselytise, covert individuals)
9. As an incarnate and or missional community (Existing to transform society, bringing the Kingdom of God to earth)
10. As a building used for praying and singing (It’s all about the singing and praying)
11. As a group of people who get together to pray and sing (it’s all about the people who sing and pray)
12. As an organisation submitted to the authority of a Man of God (it’s all about the Minister/Pastor/Vicar, who is always to be right)
13. As an organisation submitted to the authority of the Word of God (It’s all about the Bible, which needs to be interpreted (fairly) literally)
14. As a place for everyone (It’s about welcoming everyone like Jesus did)
15. As a place you need to be middle class/straight/white to be welcome (It’s about finding a place where you feel comfortable)
16. As a concept we don’t really like to talk about because we’re British and to talk about religion isn’t the British thing to do (Self-explanatory, surely)

I think it was Wittgenstein who pointed out that, unless you begin a discussion by extablishing a common meaning of your terms, the discussion will become frustrating, fraught with misunderstandings and, ultimately, meaningless. It is beginning to occur to me that the church (local) and Church (worldwide) is so divided not because of doctrine or practice on specific points, but because we cannot lack a common agreement od who we are...

in which Grace learns the hard way that blogging about Satan will severely diminish your pageload activity

2008-08-10T11:24:00.004+01:00

D'oh. Nobody, other than me, has clicked here for nine hours.

Was it that musing about things that go bump in the night which scared people off? Or was it Satan himself, physically, literally, demonically preventing you from clicking here? Am I still scaring you?

If so, here's a classic piece of religious feelgood kitch. Anyone else into the Veggie Tales?

Grace thinks about Satan

2008-08-09T11:22:00.003+01:00

[Post now at The Crowded Handbasket]

more about the SPCK, SSG, Dave Walker, Mark Brewer saga

2008-08-09T10:11:00.004+01:00

It's just all, all so sad.

The campaign now has its own website at SPCK/SSG: News, Notes & Info. There's also still a lot of intriguing, thoughful commentary from Matt Wardman, Squiggle Jones, SPCK Watch and MetaCatholic.

I mean, this is not merely about some abstract point of employment law or free speech. Someone died, too. And it continues to appall me that the actions of a Christian should drive anyone to suicide...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 7.5: Grace does a virtual tour of Hyles-Anderson College

2008-08-08T16:43:00.005+01:00

... and decides that it would take a more trusting, deferential person than her to apply.

I mean, I'm sure they love God very, very much and I'm sure that God loves them too and that they're filled with grace and mercy and all good things... but an online tour really was enough for me for now.

Their promotional video is here.

And their student code of conduct is here. Aptly titled "Maybe you wouldn't like". I don't like the thought of requiring a male to accompany and guide and preserve me from my evil inclinations off campus, no. I deep respect female Muslim friends who've said to me that they feel that having a mahram (basically, a male guide/protector/advocate, proposed through various hadith) helps them learn humility and deference and draw closer to God... but I think I was brought up much more to value my, like, independence and freedom.

The main degree open to women, it seems, is the Associate of Science in Marriage and Motherhood (see p84). Whereas I'd very much welcome some guidance on how to be a better spouse to my Beloved and a more welcoming hostess of visitors and a better pastry-maker, I'm sure my antipathy towards sewing would seriously dent my grade point average.... not to mention my intellectual frustration.

What's really intriguing, though, is how such blog and message board and YouTube activity is generated by what is essentially a small and marginal college. Such as below, in which Principal Hyles explains how Satan composed the New International Version of the Bible. I'd always thought it was the 100+ translators working from virtually the same ancient texts as those who wrote the King James Version. But there you go. Compared to what happened to Salman Rushdie (who, in the Satanic Verses made a much milder but broadly similar allegation), Rev Hyles gets off very lightly...

In which Grace returns to her Place of Former Employment and finds the building piled high with radishes

2008-08-07T11:25:00.007+01:00

It was a hot night. And my mother did warn me never to eat cheese late in the evening.

But why radishes?

*Grace thinks of the kids she knew there, and wistfully wonders whether any of them have ever even seen a radish*

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 7.2: Grace goes Appalachian snake handling via Google

2008-08-06T12:08:00.012+01:00

The Church of the Lord Jesus with Signs Following in Jolo, West Virginia, USA

This is the town, situated in one of the five most deprived counties of the whole United States.

This is their church website...

... and here's a YouTube clip I found of part of a service...

... and here's a documentary clip I also found about them...

... and here's a Wikipedia page about it all.

Is anyone else out there utterly intrigued?

an anecdote of great pathos and irony as Grace learns of how her alleged evangelical credentials almost precluded her from getting a job

2008-08-06T11:06:00.008+01:00

GRACE is at an appointment with the head of HR at her Place of Future Employment, discussing terms and conditions and various contractual and day-to-day practicalities of her New Job.

HEAD OF HR: ... and we were wondering, Grace, whether it'd be helpful for you to know why we chose you for this position?

GRACE: Um, yes, that'd be encouraging.

HEAD OF HR: Well, it was all in your interpretation of Question 4... you took it to a depth that none of the other candidates had grasped... and with such originality, creativity and confidence. You obviously have quite a mind.

(GRACE opens her mouth to tell HEAD OF HR that she was actually merely applying a method of analysis developed by a certain form of theology, and decides instead graciously to accept the unwarranted compliment.)

GRACE: Thank you. That's kind.

HEAD OF HR: ... though I probably also should be honest and tell you that, of all the candidates shortlisted for interview, you were the one I thought probably least likely to have been chosen.

GRACE: Er, go on.

HEAD OF HR: I mean, your application was outstanding. Not the very best, but impressive, nevertheless, and by the criteria we'd devised, we'd never not have shortlisted you. It's just that, when the form asked for your personal and academic interests, you'd written, I thnk, "theology", "faith communities" and even the Bible... and I can only be honest in telling you that it really made a few of our team quite wary of you. Especially as you've just come from working at a very, ahem, no-I-shouldn't-say-that church.

GRACE: Oh...

HEAD OF HR: Yes, we sort of worried, or were perhaps concerned that you'd maybe use the job - or use the interview even - as an attempt to, maybe, share or impose your religion on us. Which honestly, wouldn't have been appropriate.

(GRACE is very tempted to launch into a bitter tirade about how and why all such Bible bashers hate her. She composes herself, and smiles gently.)

GRACE: That's not really my style.

HEAD OF HR: And in a country as free as ours, you wouldn't need to, would you? Nobody needs to take a job as a pretext for proseltysing. I mean, anyone can stand on street corners or knock on doors and preach.

(GRACE resolves not to tell HEAD OF HR that, many years back, the street corners and doorsteps was exactly what she used to do.)

I mean, my goodness. One minute I'm the devil's spawn to Christians, the next minute I'm some earnest Bible-thumping praise-the-Lord-er to the rest of the world. And to think that I feared discrimination on the grounds of being a bit mental, too. To have been employed on account one's evangelical credentials is obviously far, far worse. Oh dear. Thank God I've actually got a job. Otherwise my future prospects would by now be entirely dead.

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 7: St Ninian's-on-the-Park, Studentsville

2008-08-05T14:34:00.004+01:00

From last weekend, before aforementioned events all hit...

Beloved chose this church on account of the nubile young sunbathers who'd been using the expansive church grounds to revise for their uni exams. That's not entirely fair, of course. Architecturally, too, it's an almost-impossibly-old church which makes an arresting site. And I'd heard a few friends and the Ship of Fools website make generally approving noises about the place.

The service was fairly nondescript middle-to-high-Anglican. The sermon was somewhat unimpressive, but it was the preacher's last day in the church and area and I'd forgive him for sounding somewhat preoccupied by that. And yet, the prayers - usually the bit of the Anglican liturgy I find least meaningful or engaging - were delivered with such energy and passion that, for me, they brought the whole church to life.

And the coffee afterwards was excellent. And not just coffee but cake, musical entertainment from a brass band, a parish library to browse and people saying hello.

Definately worth a return visit.

Grace reads some books instead

2008-08-05T12:49:00.003+01:00

From my undisclosed hideout-from-the-world, I've been reading.

The Rabbi's Daughter by Reva Mann
Though marketed as fluffy chicklit (and vilified by a red-faced London Orthodox rabbinate as such), this is a book of huge spiritual depth and subtle, gentle humour. But whereas some of the sex scenes were sufficiently funny or shocking or outrageous to genuinely add to the plot, some seemed fairly gratuitous. We all know that sex sells, but Mann has a compelling enough of a story to tell without needing to rely so heavily on its sexual elements. I was struck by the way in which she has lived through and seen the very worst of organised religion, and yet remains deeply and vibrantly Jewish.

Losing my Religion? Moving on from Evangelical Faith by Gordon Lynch
It all rang very, very true. But what I couldn't quite work out was whether Lynch's "I know I'm an intellectual but I'm going to make sure I explain myself in very simple terms so I can be sure you understand me" style was an ironic attempt to emulate evangelical preaching at its worst, or whether it simply reveals his view of evangelicals as a bit dim. Either way, the tone and style of his writing didn't strengthen his argument.

Madness by Marya Hornbacher
One of those good-but-not-as-good-as-the-first-book sequels, all somewhat lacking in plot. I didn't agree with her framework of philosophy of mental illness, but I knew even before reading that I wouldn't. What I really admired about it was the style and skill of Hornbacher's writing. I wish, I wish I could write that well.

Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey
Yancey's always been a brave figure amongst evangelicals for his telling-it-like-it-is. I first read this a while back and it reminded me of what I've always been sure: it's not God I'm disappointed with, it's the Church. So maybe (despite my comments above) a sequel might be in order?

Power for God's Sake by Paul Beasley-Murray
The title, I suppose, says it all. I think the methodology of the study is a bit dated and somewhat tediously-explained and overjustified... could he not have snuck it in an appendix at the back? But some very good points about Jesus, and what he was like as a church leader.

I can see my page-stats taking a nosedive. I'll come back to life soon, Dear Readers, I promise...

Did God ever even intend the Church?

2008-08-03T21:55:00.002+01:00

I'm asking this question on The Crowded Handbasket. Do pop over there and comment...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 6.75: St Pixels

2008-08-02T14:42:00.007+01:00

St Pixels being the online "church" sponsored by the UK Methodists.

Friendly people. I think I'll stick around and try and get to know the place. If I were still failing to get on in any local church, I'd be happy to make it my main or regular fellowship. As much, though, as I enjoy all most quiet and reflective forms of devotion, the silent sessions in the chatroom-style worship do seem something of an oxymoron. I'd be curious to see what happened if someone were to start *leaping around in joy* and shouting 'HALLELUJAH' and 'PRAISE THE LORD'. Maybe there still remains an inner charismatic in me, waiting to be suitably disinhibited to jump around a bit. Maybe, after all these weeks of normal, sensible parish C of Es and sedate ecumenical partnerships and friendly informal groups, maybe it's time for us to investigate something a bit louder tomorrow morning..?

(If anyone out there's ever at St Pixels, I'm gracegrace on there... my avatar's got lots of blonde hair and sneaks a cup of tea into each prayer meeting. Come and introduce yourself to me...)

How many women do you know that have been beaten up by Christian ministers?

2008-08-01T10:14:00.005+01:00

Offhand, I can think of seven women (and one man, too) I know who have experienced both physical and sexual violence at the hands of ordained and respected ministers of Christ. And given that one in four women* will at some point suffer some form of domestic abuse and given that research demonstrates that religious affiliation or stature does nothing to mitigate against the chances of a man becoming an abuser**, and given that the social pressure not to disclose abuse within churches is far greater than the taboo against speaking about domestic violence in general society, I probably know very many more than seven. I have to assume, too, that there will be many women (and some men) reading this, too, with their own personal stories to tell...

And yet, Bishop Catherine Roskam has caused outrage and offence by her assertion that some of the bishops at the Lambeth conference beat their wives. Three most ostrich-like quotes from bishops interviewed appeared in The Times yesterday

The Archbishop of York [John Sentanu] said: "I have never beaten my wife ... I hope Bishop Catherine has got statistics and figures, because if not she is in danger of causing an unnecessary rumpus."

Bishop Nathaniel Nakwatumbah of Namibia said: "I do not beat my wife. That is ridiculous. There are such great people gathering here in ecclesial spirit. It is inconceivable that a bishop would beat his wife."

Bishop David James, of Bradford, said: "I do not beat my wife who I love very much and who is a tremendous support to me. Of the bishops I have met from around the world, which is quite a number, I have no reason to suspect that any of them do.

However, there was one less definite comment

Bishop Zache Duracin of Haiti said: "I do not know any bishops who beat their wives. But she may be aware of some."

So could one of the journalists covering Lambeth please, please track down and ask Mme Duracin how much she knows?

And so if /when anyone does ask Mme Duracin, or any other of the 600+ wives at Lambeth, if they themselves or anyone else they knew there was being beaten, what would happen?

*according to Womens Aid
** This statement appeared in a manual on domestic violence that I was asked to read in a job I had several years ago. I can't find a source for this - can anyone else?

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 6.5: Toddler Church

2008-07-31T21:54:00.005+01:00

A service specifically for those 3 and under. I'd been invited along merely as a storyteller, and as an extra pair of hands to empty potties and sweep excess manna off the sanctuary carpet.

A wonderful, wonderful set-up. Even if I am, like, 30 years too old. Even if I did get soaked within an inch of my life cycling back.

And it got me wondering, too. There's so much written and discussed and proposed about how to bring the yoof ov 2day to Christ. But, if certain strands of developmental psychology are to believed (and personally, I'm not sure either way) it's from aged 0-5 rather than from aged 13-19 that we are most receptive to learning, experience, relationships and attachment. So why, then, isn't there more consideration, experimentation and research on how to engage 2 and 3 year olds in faith and worship?

"What are we going to sing now?" asked the worship leader.
"Twinkle, twinkle little star!" shouted one little one.
"No but I want to sing a GOD song," insisted another. "That's what's really great."

True, yes.

The SPCK/SSG bullying saga continues

2008-07-31T11:04:00.002+01:00

From Sam, from Elizaphanian

Great admiration for him...

a person who sins

2008-07-30T21:10:00.000+01:00

(This is a post I've slightly recycled from a while back. But given that it sort of touches on what I've been thinking about, I thought it'd be interesting to re-post)

Scene 1: Two friends in the pub, circa 2003

KATH: Did you hear that Kelly's a schizophrenic now?
GRACE: (in self-righteous tones) Yes, but you can't call her that.
KATH: What?
GRACE: A schizophrenic. She's a child of God. Maybe she has schizophrenia or has been told she has schizophrenia or been diagnosed with schizophrenia... but she's still a child of God, first and foremost. The schizophrenia shouldn't define her. Person-first language, and all that...
KATH: But Kelly's calling herself a schizophrenic. Reclamation of language, empowerment, de-stigmatising, you know. And if she's calling herself that, you shouldn't patronise her by refusing to use her choice of terminology.
GRACE: Yes, but I object to the terminology. I'm, like, challenging her, affirming her dignity.

Scene 2: Two friends in the pub, circa 2008

GRACE: Have you seen Kelly recently?
KATH: Yes, she's fine, I think she's working at a bank in Slough. But I was thinking... do you remember that discussion we had, when you refused to allow me to call her a schizophrenic.
GRACE: Yes...
KATH: And you're still into all your church-type stuff?
GRACE: Yes...
KATH: So are you still a sinner? Or rather, am I? Aren't we both?
GRACE: Um, yes. All of us are sinners.
KATH: You're a sinner?
GRACE: Well, saved by faith and grace and all that..
KATH: But don't you see my point?
GRACE: No...
KATH: Well, you go off it with how dismissive and disempowering it is for anyone to call Kelly "a schizophrenic"... and yet, why do you still do the standard Christian thing of referring to yourself as "a sinner"? Aren't you simply a person who sins?"

Very, very good point. Quite a massive theological thought-shift.

grace is still thinking

2008-07-30T16:29:00.002+01:00

From a comment on the previous post...

As God's creatures, we discover our sacred essence, within which human and social categories no longer apply. Theologically speaking, we don't exist outside relationship with God. Thus what we are is a unique revelation of yet another aspect of God.

A big enough thought, I thought, to desrve its own post...

Love one another. As I have loved you. Grace has her nose back in the New Testament.

2008-07-26T23:21:00.006+01:00

In Matthew's gospel particularly, and to an extent Mark's and Luke's, Jesus is making quite a lot of moral proclamations on various matters - divorce, oath-swearing and taxation, for a start. In John's gospel, by contrast, Jesus is recorded as delivering only one.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (13:33-35)

I think the point of the author/s is a straightforward one, that Jesus' life and teaching emphasise love as the one very most important thing and that, if we have sufficient love, everything else will follow. That the quality of our love for one another is the only ultimate criteria upon which we'll be judged.

But is it? Is this realistic? Attainable? Sufficient for a world and Church in which to be right or correct seems to an ultimate goal? Or is it prophetic, with something to teach us all?

So do we need to consciously acknowledge Jesus' laying-down-of-life as the source of that love?

And how, I mean, how do we really love people that much?

More SPCK bullying...

2008-07-25T23:25:00.005+01:00

This is from MadPriest and I think self-explanatory.

It just appalls me that Christians think they can get away with treating one another like this...

VERY IMPORTANT DAVE WALKER UPDATE

Those who are not up to speed on this matter of blogger welfare should read the following post first:

THE GREAT SPCK SCANDAL
BLOGGERS STICK IT TO THE MAN

It is absolutely certain that Mark Brewer is now threatening other bloggers. Without prejudice legal advice indicates that he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Also he is sending the threats out personally and not via a solicitor.

However, I think it is time for PLAN B.

This is Mark Brewer's email address:

Brewer@bplaw.com

I would like friends of Dave Walker, and those interested in stopping bloggers from being bullied by people with money, to cut and paste this post onto their own blogs,

AND/OR

send an email to Mark Brewer with nothing more than the campaign words:

I AM ALSO DAVE WALKER

And if you're a little scared by all this just remember a very good man died because SPCK failed after it had been taken over by Mark Brewer's business venture.

Posted by MadPriest at 4:56 PM 12 comments

Another dud post in which Grace sits and watches her FEEDJIT counter...

2008-07-24T22:46:00.003+01:00

I can see that, in the past week, I've jumped from an average of 7 to an average of 21 unique visitors per day. And it's fun sitting here watching the traffic, and how people get here. It reveal a lot, like, about people's sleep patterns and work habits... there's often a little flurry around 9am BST, when people in the UK arrive in their offices... and sometimes a wee cluster just after midnight, especially on warmer nights. And then there was the very dear friend who I caught google-searching for me on "bolgpsot"... nobody would guess she's doing a Masters thesis on how to teach people to spell...!

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 5.5: A Bible study with friends that Grace is now about to inflict on her blog

2008-07-23T16:44:00.002+01:00

OK, Mark 5:1-20. Wotsit all about, then?

Basically, I'm looking for people's ideas. I'm utterly stuck.

They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!"

Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"

"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many." And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.

A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. The demons begged Jesus, "Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them." He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region.

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

Various perspectives emerged:

1. That it's just as it says it is, and that the man was demon-possessed.
OK, but why and how, and what do we mean or understand by possession? In the most literalist readings of the Bible, even with the vague fallen-morning-star explanation for Satan, it's unclear when or where or how demons enter the frame. Most scholars think the Zoroastrians, whom the Jews in exile would have met, have something to do with it. But for a fundamentalist reader, a proposition that any other religious/philosophical practices have had any impact upon Christianity is unacceptable even to contemplate. So what, then, can one really say about demons?

2. That there's no such thing as demons.
If there's no such thing as demons, why do many, many people see, hear from and chat to them on an intermittant or regular basis, mainly in non-Western cultures but also in Britain today? Even if one takes the social-constructionist view of demons being merely a humanly-devised concept, or the non-realist view that demons can be there for some people if not for others, or even regards demons as a literary archetype or tropic device, surely one cannot deny that demons, in some sense of the word "existence", exist?

3. That what they in 1st Century Israel/Palestine understood as demon-possession, we can now interpret as what we know today to be mental illness.
Probably. But to say too swiftly is to risk missing the context and to ignore what it was like for the man to be and/or be considered as demon possessed. Him being chained up by those around might give some sort of clue. But all the Levitical purity statutes about how to deal with menstruation and mildew make no mention of how to handle the demon possessed. And as far as I'm aware, there's been no research done to investigate this. So what was life like for this man and what can we learn from his experience of possession?

4. The the demon-possessed man was designated/scapegoated by his community to embody and represent the "demons" of social, mental or spiritual "Other-ness", and Jesus set him free by talking to him as a sane and rational human being, therefore breaking the powers of the taboos surrounding him, and enabling him full inclusion, welcome and participation in the Kingdom of God.
I like that. But then, if the demons or "demons" weren't really to be feared, why did Jesus so theatrically cast them into a herd of pigs? Why didn't Jesus just do what happens in all of the other New Testament "deliverance" narratives, and simply tell everyone that the demon has left?

Would anyone else like to join in?

Please click on this a lot and then spam it around a lot

2008-07-23T16:26:00.006+01:00

These are the blog posts Dave Walker has been legally required to remove from his blog, as retrieved by the Mad Priest. Basically, the SPCK [Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge] bookshops have been taken over by the St Stephen the Great Charitable Trust and either God and/or St Stephen have instructed the new management to disregard all employment law in their dealings with their employees and generally treat them like ****. The union Usdaw is representing many... but most Christian employees don't tend to join unions as they're used to being able to, like, trust their bosses.

All very, very sad.

July 8th, 2008
My silence

I’ve been aware that this has been a sad week for many readers of the Cartoon Blog. Many of those visiting have been mourning the death of Steve Jeynes, the Worcester bookseller, who, judging from the comments posted on this site was loved by many. In the circumstances the usual nonsense that I write on this site has not seemed appropriate, hence my silence.

The memorial service for Steve Jeynes took place yesterday. The Worcester News has a report: Tributes paid to exceptional man. Doug Chaplain was there and has written about it. See also on the SPCK/SSG blog: Steve Jeynes: A Life Remembered.

This will be one of the last former-SPCK-related posts that I expect to do until September as I am away doing one thing and another. I have one more bookshop-related thing that I need to post about which has arisen as a result of a comment (not yet visible) on this site on Sunday morning. I will hopefully do that post today (Tuesday) or tomorrow (Wednesday).

The place to go for former-SPCK-related posts for the next month or two is SPCK/SSG: News, Notes & Info. [Aside to Phil: hopefully you will post Plans Coming Together for New Christian Bookshop in Cardiff on the SSG/SPCK site when the time is right - a post well worth sharing.]

I hope to post a bit more on this blog this week, including an announcement about my new book and plans for Lambeth.

Posted by Dave at 1:06 am on July 8, 2008 and filed under Blogging, Save the SPCK.

5 Comments

July 3rd, 2008
Memorial service for Steve Jeynes

The memorial service for Steve Jeynes is now to be held at Worcester Cathedral at 3.30pm on Monday 7th July, followed by refreshments at Worcestershire County Cricket Club.

There is a news item in the Worcester News today, and another in the Worcester Standard. Update: Also Worcester News: Hundreds expected to bookseller’s memorial

Many tributes have been left in the comments of my previous post and on other sites linked from there.

Image: the former SPCK shop in Worcester

Posted by Dave at 7:57 am on July 3, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK.

No Comments

June 27th, 2008
SPCK / SSG: Tragic news from Worcester

There is some tragic news from the Worcester Diocese. This note was sent out today to clergy within the Diocese by the Communications department:

I am very sorry to tell you that Steve Jeynes, has been found dead, apparently having taken his own life. Many of you will know him from his work at the SSGT (ex-SPCK) shop in Worcester, from where he was made redundant two weeks ago.

Please hold (the) family in your prayers, together with the many friends whose lives have been enriched through Steve’s loving generosity in serving the Lord.

Details of the funeral arrangements will be made available in due course.

Doug Chaplain has posted here: In Worcester the SSG / SPCK saga turns to tragedy

Please remember Steve’s family, friends and all affected in your prayers.

Update: A service of Thanksgiving for Steve’s life will take place on Monday 7 July 2008 at 3:30 pm at All Saints’ Church, Deansway, Worcester. The Thanksgiving Service has been moved from All Saints’ Church to the Cathedral at 3.30pm on Monday 7th July followed by refreshments at Worcestershire County Cricket Club.

Further tributes have been posted here and here.

Posted by Dave at 5:53 pm on June 27, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

65 Comments

SPCK / SSG bookshop news

A couple of things:

New website
Phil Groom has set up a new group blog on the subject of the former SPCK shops. It is here: SPCK/SSG: News, Notes & Info. If you’re interested in SPCK/ SSG updates please bookmark this site and/or subscribe to the feed. I do intend to continue writing on the subject on this blog, but during July and August in particular I will have very little (if any) time to devote to writing on the topic owing to my preparation for and participation in the Lambeth conference and being away from home for various other reasons.

If there is anyone who would like to contribute to the new site please contact Phil directly.

Staff pay
An update to my last post - some staff have now been paid. I have made an update to my last post to reflect this and will update again if it emerges that all staff have now been paid.

News reports
Bookseller: SSG tribunal claims mount
Chester Chronicle: Union action to support sacked Chester bookshop workers
Lincolnshire Echo: ‘Sacked’ shop staff in court action

Posted by Dave at 9:09 am on June 27, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

3 Comments

June 25th, 2008
SSG: Bankruptcy papers received, employees not paid

Bankruptcy papers received
Some people in the UK have been receiving papers relating to the SSG ‘bankruptcy’ from the US Bankruptcy Court of the District of Southern District of Texas. There will apparently be a ‘meeting of creditors’ on 22 July in Houston.

Having done a quick search I notice that there was, on 18 June a ’status conference’ for St Stephen the Great LLC in the bankruptcy court (this can be found on a cached Google page saved here). Information on the chapter 11 bankruptcy process can be found via this page: Chapter 11 - Bankruptcy Basics

All of this must be seen in the light of Usdaw’s statement yesterday, now available on the Usdaw website:

Usdaw firmly believes that the bankruptcy proceedings in the US have no effect in the UK, because this is a UK company with entirely UK-based assets and activities.

Also, from John Hannett, the General Secretary of Usdaw:

These loyal staff are being given misleading information about these US bankruptcy proceedings and the effects this may have on their rights to take legal action in the UK. Our fear is that the Brewers’ actions may be an attempt to move assets away from the business and out of the reach of our members with legitimate claims.

“We will carry on as before with the claims against the Brewers who are accumulating wealth whilst riding roughshod over hard working employees. We will continue to assist all our members affected by this messy situation and work to rectify it as soon as possible.”

Employees not paid
On a related note some (all?) of the people who work or worked in the shops have not been paid today (the 25th) as they would usually be. See for instance these blog comments. [Update: some employees have now been paid]

Telegraph blog post
Christopher Howse (who wrote Saturday’s comment piece) has written on his Telegraph blog about the Orthodox church in Poole: Orthodox Exodus. As others have pointed out this isn’t new information, but I thought I’d post the link anyway.

Posted by Dave at 3:05 pm on June 25, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

13 Comments

June 24th, 2008
Usdaw press release about the former SPCK shops

Usdaw fights for mistreated bookshop workers
Shopworkers’ union, Usdaw, has submitted 15 employment tribunal claims against the Brewers, US-based brothers who have taken over a chain of UK bookshops and were seeking to impose a new contract on staff, drastically reducing their contractual rights. The Union has over 50 members at the bookshops and is expecting that the number of employment tribunal claims will rise.

The Brewer brothers were gifted the St. Stephen the Great Christian bookshops in 2006 by SPCK. The chain includes 23 bookshops, many of which are historic buildings in prime retail positions.

Following the change of ownership, a new contract was drawn up increasing the working week from 37.5 to 40 hours with no additional pay, turning all part-time staff into casual staff with no guaranteed hours every week and taking away all rights to company sick pay.

Now, virtually all Usdaw members have been dismissed with no notice, some by email, and have received little or no information about what this means for their rights and their pay.

The Brewer brothers have now filed St. Stephen the Great for bankruptcy in the US. Usdaw firmly believes that the bankruptcy proceedings in the US have no effect in the UK, because this is a UK company with entirely UK-based assets and activities. Staff have been told that they can apply for jobs with ENC Management Company, which is also owned by the Brewers, but that they no longer have jobs with St. Stephen the Great.

Usdaw is also aware that the Charity Commission has been alerted to these actions because of its role in regulating the activities of the linked charity, St. Stephen the Great Charitable Trust.

John Hannett, Usdaw General Secretary, stated:

“It is clear that staff, many of whom have been long standing loyal workers, have been mistreated and many are understandably very upset and concerned. We are very concerned at a new company (ENC Management Company) being set up in these circumstances, while our members are losing their jobs. These loyal staff are being given misleading information about these US bankruptcy proceedings and the effects this may have on their rights to take legal action in the UK. Our fear is that the Brewers’ actions may be an attempt to move assets away from the business and out of the reach of our members with legitimate claims.

“We will carry on as before with the claims against the Brewers who are accumulating wealth whilst riding roughshod over hard working employees. We will continue to assist all our members affected by this messy situation and work to rectify it as soon as possible.”

Posted by Dave at 8:13 am on June 24, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

34 Comments

June 21st, 2008
Former SPCK bookshops in the Telegraph

Christopher Howse: The bare and desolate SPCK bookshops

Posted by Dave at 9:57 am on June 21, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

5 Comments

June 20th, 2008
Today’s former SPCK bookshop news

From the Chester Chronicle: Christian bookshop sacks staff by e-mail

From the Eastern Daily Press: Christian bookshop stripped of stock

From the comments below:

The article in the Eastern Daily Press concerning the Norwich shop mentions three potential future tenants.
One of the bids is from the Norwich Christian Resource Centre, a new Community Interest Company with six directors from various denominations, all with a wealth of business experience.
They are giving their time and talents free of charge and are all passionate to re-establish the centre that had become such an integral part of the community of Norfolk and beyond, as quoted in the article.
The company would run as a non-profit making business and strive to return the centre to it’s original ethos, offering the widest breadth of stock, knowledgable staff, a high level of customer service and the ‘best capuccino in town’.
Prayers for this venture very welcome.

Also, from the comments yesterday, this by ‘concerned dad’:

My daughter applied for holiday work via an agency in Newcastle and took up a job in the Newcastle shop - we were completely unaware of the situation. She is expected to work completely on her own for 6 hours a day several days a week, somebody else does the other days - both are temps, no permanent staff, no training or guidance. She has creditors and people chasing book orders ringing up but no information to be able to respond to them. She is employed and paid by the agency (that is the theory anyway, will be interesting to find out what happens on payday!) If we had known about the situation we would not have got into this, but the agency were not very forthcoming with details about the shop until it was virtually too late…. So Newcastle is open - after a fashion, but far from satisfactory situation.

Update (lunchtime) Phil Groom has posted: SPCK/SSG News Archives. (I’ll try to say something about the blog idea later or over the weekend.)

Posted by Dave at 8:18 am on June 20, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

6 Comments

June 19th, 2008
Website updates

The SPCKonline website is now the same as the Third Space books website. Details of most shops have been updated. Some, like Salisbury (above - thanks to ezlxq), are on very limited hours and appear to be relying on voluntary labour. I’m aware that I need to keep updating the shop roundup page - updates appreciated.

The entry for the Norwich shop says ‘You are not authorised to view this resource’. That is probably because there is no resource to view - I am informed that a removal firm packed up all the books, fixtures and fittings and was taking them to the Chichester shop today.

Meanwhile the St Stephen the Great LLC website has been updated today “Last Updated ( Thursday, 19 June 2008 )“, but there is still no mention of the ‘bankruptcy’.

I have updated the Church Times blog with a list of news reports and letters about the former SPCK shops.

Melanie, the former manager of the SPCKonline site has written an interesting comment on Phil’s bookshop blog.

Posted by Dave at 5:43 pm on June 19, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

5 Comments

June 18th, 2008
Norwich / York

Norwich

Network Norwich has the following: Norwich Christian bookshop closes its doors

Meanwhile, from the comments section of this blog:

In 2003 I was taken to a city centre deconsecrated church by Stephen Platten, then Dean of Norwich. We both thought how splendid it would be to relocate the SPCK Bookshop, it’s decrepid premises huddling in a side street, to this magnificent medieval building.
In January of the next year Bishop Graham James officially blessed the vision along with representatives from virtually every denomination.
After many trials and tribulations and delays of several months, the centre opened on 13 July 2004. I had been privileged to help plan the layout and the concept.
Over 180 people attended the rededictation of the church to it’s new use in on a Friday morning in October 2004!
Within 3 years the loyal team had doubled the turnover of the previous shop and provided access to thousands of visitors from the Christian faith or none, to be offered an exceptionally broad range of product, a place to meet and be refreshed in the cafe.
We held events on a monthly basis. Highlights included: a lecture by Bishop Tom Wright attended by 350 plus, an Advent evening with Ronald Blythe during which three Salvation Army bandsmen managed to ascend the spiral staircase complete with trombone and play from the balcony, debates between bishops and humanists; Professor Brian Thorne and Ian Gibson MP and a Fawlty Towers evening!
This morning I visited the centre with my two sons, on the last day of trading. It was in fact open after 11-00.
To describe it as semi-vandalised would not be overstating the sight of half-empty boxes relocated from the London shop several weeks ago still blocking the porch and what is left of the stock lurching across the shelves.
Visiting the church on a regular basis over the past months I have been moved from frustration, to anger, to sadness, to disbelief as to how such a thiving resource could be laid to seed.
Today is a very sad day for the ex-staff, all but one of whom have yet to find new employment and the Christian community, who are voicing that ‘their’ centre has been lost - a high compliment indeed.
I count myself blessed to have been offered an alternative position within the Christian retail environment and have thus stayed in touch with so many of my customers who had become friends.
However, it’s never over until the Canary sings as we say in Narwich, so please keep praying for an unlikely resurrection in the not too distant future.
‘The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it’

York

‘Richard and Gill’ on Flickr have a recent picture of the former SPCK shop in York.

Meanwhile, I found this blog post written in Chinese on June 16. It sounds as if it is by someone working in the York shop. Google translated it as follows:

I should be very fortunate, at least in this area to work, to York the second week, it began a career Part-time job. However, this is not so much a subjective initiative, I found, than to use a blind cat encountered more aptly described as dead mice. At that time, purely in the City Centre Luancuan, Okay, I admit that, in fact, I had lost. The results of the accidents that have been in SPCK work.

This is one in the entire United Kingdom has 28 Chain stores of the Christian Bookshop, a harmonious working atmosphere, have fixed the breakfast 11am and 3pm the afternoon tea time and all the break are paid. However, however, however, but, boom is not long, SPCK be acquired. A U.S. company called SSG took over the bookstore this. British indeed are born of hatred of Americans, the shop all the old staff have left, but Fortunately, the Manager of new people is pretty good. I want to go to the SSG, also by the nature of the work before the development of a simple cashier to accountant, gradually began to contact the bank’s work. Sense of accomplishment that is not an ordinary Youranersheng ah.

Boom is not really long, SSG recently went bankrupt, another bookstore was an American company take over. David and Olga have left, I left the bookstore on the people. Optimistic, I am now boss hey. Pessimistic, I really do not know Bookstore will close on this, I have on unemployment.

SPCK in the UK with my life is inseparable from, I Baijia all have come from the capital where wages. However, it also sacrificed a lot with my family Dear Amanda travel out of time. Switzerland, Rome, Prague, Barcelona, Fuluolunsa I have no time to. My dear SPCK, you can see in my youth to take all the copies to you, will not be so quick to close OK. You, and so I kept enough money to the United States, Greece, the Netherlands, Sweden, the Arctic Circle, and so I kept enough money to buy Chanel, Dior, Fendi, Prada to the temporary close it, but I travel back and so on, then opened the door for ah

This might or might not mean that the York shop is open.

Posted by Dave at 11:28 am on June 18, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK.

3 Comments

June 13th, 2008
Charity Commission to investigate SSG

News reports

From today’s Church Times: Ex-SPCK shops ‘bankruptcy’
The Bookseller says that the Charity Commission is to investigate SSG: St Stephen the Great files for bankruptcy
I think the Church of England Newspaper will have a report (Just opened my online copy - nothing there as far as I can see. I thought there might be as I was telephoned.)

Closures and openings

We think that the shops that have closed since the bankruptcy announcement are:
Birmingham, Canterbury, Chester, Exeter, Newcastle, Norwich (closing on June 14) Worcester, York. These may be temporary or permanent.
Salisbury is now open again.
I’m still attempting to maintain a complete list here.
New map

On the Third Space books site (Is Third Space books bankrupt or not? Not sure.) a new map of the SSG shops appeared on June 7. Bristol, Carlisle, Lincoln and London have been taken off. Cardiff remains. ‘Leichester’ (not on the old map) has been added.
Posted by Dave at 8:20 am on June 13, 2008 and filed under Save the SPCK, Religion.

11 Comments

Another puzzling public anecdote to fill blog space whilst Grace thinks of something intelligent to write

2008-07-22T18:25:00.005+01:00

The scene is set beside the junction of two major roads. A park bench has been placed there by the council, seemingly for no other purpose than to give members of the public full view of the intersection. A YOUNG WOMAN is seated on the bench, breastfeeding. GRACE enters from stage right, dripping in sweat and clutching a bike helmet and a bottle of Pepsi Max.

GRACE: Would you mind me sitting here?

YOUNG WOMAN: As long as you don't mind me feeding...

GRACE: Of course not.

YOUNG WOMAN: It's just that, I'm never sure whether it's OK in public, you know, to feed him.

Well, if she was that worried about breastfeeding "in public", why was she sitting in full view of hundreds of motorists?

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 5: Grace and Beloved have Family Commitments instead

2008-07-21T10:19:00.005+01:00

Family Commitments of a scale and magnitude that nobody would deny to be more important than churchsearching... but, as such, totally unblogaboutable. I'm sure there's a good few posts in there about doing Family Commitments as an expression of faith, about how/why the church constructs Family and/or constructs itself as a family... but I probably won't get there today.

The train home yesterday evening was cramped, stuffy and very slow. We shared a carriage with a family of nine children, all aged below five (cousins? foster children?) and all piled on top of one another and all yelling and throwing jelly babies at one another in a mixture of French and a language I couldn't identify. About an hour into the journey, their dad (or uncle? big brother? carer?) took out his iPod and some speakers and plugged them in, broadcasting "We want to see Jesus lifted high" at full volume to the entire train. And slowly, five of the nine children climbed into the aisles and began to dance. I wasn't sure whether they were dancing because they wanted to or had been trained to, but they were giggling and seemed to be enjoying themselves. The rest of the carriage watched, amazed...

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 4.5: Friday nights

2008-07-18T22:33:00.006+01:00

Most forms of Judaism seem good at encouraging people to socialise. To find kinship and spirituality and community in the conversation, in the shared home space, in the food. Shabbat, for a start. Where or when did Christianity lose the concept of simply getting all one's family and/or friends together once a week for a meal? Is it because, when Jesus told his disciples that the Seder bread and wine were henceforth to be regarded as his body and blood, the sanctity or sacramentality of the event seemed so overwhelming that it needed a place of worship rather than a home, or a male priest rather than a woman cooking to contain and officiate at it? Or is simply because Christians have this earnest guilt thing going that says they need to be doing "important" things, rather than just sitting eating? Or is it even more simply that Christians have lost touch with the importance of time and relationships?

Can anyone out there explain this , either historically or theologically?

Can anyone out there explain, phenomenologically, pastorally or otherwise, why getting friends and family together in such a way, usually even without any explicitly declared faith content, just seems to work?

Does anyone else ever invite people round for food on a regular basis and think about what it says or reveals about God and community in it all?

Does this encapsulate Britain's view of the Church of England today?

2008-07-18T09:47:00.005+01:00

Grace hands her birth and marriage certificates to an administrator at her New Job, in order to verify her identity and eligibility to work in the UK.

ADMINISTRATOR: Grace, thank you. Right, then... so you were born Grace This and married to become Grace That. And now your place of birth... Lambeth... hang on, Lambeth?

GRACE: It's a London borough, just south of the Thames.

ADMINISTRATOR: No, but I've been hearing the name Lambeth on the radio all week... I don't know why...

Does this encapsulate your average non-Londoner's view of the Church of England today? It made me smile, anyway...

Deprived Communities, Evangelical Churches and Faith-Based Family Care: Grace's final sermon to her Place of Former Employment

2008-07-17T10:29:00.003+01:00

Deprived Communities, Evangelical Churches and Faith-Based Family Care: how maybe it works and maybe it doesn’t

This is something I wrote during my final few weeks in the job. I'm bumping it up now as it's the last vaguely well-thought-out thing I've posted in a while and, yes... comments from any newly-discovered readers are very most welcome...

The Deprived Community

It is often said that the problems of the Deprived Community stem from a generationally-ingrained culture of dependency, learned helplessness and minimal aspirations. It is true that some of the expectations held by people (you won’t get your GCSEs, you will do drugs and get in trouble with the police, you will be a crap parent and get Social Services trying to get your bairn took off you) seem extremely negative. However, these are attitudes, aspirations and expectations created, held and perpetuated not only by the Deprived People themselves. Instead, they’re things which people have been told or have had more subtly communicated to them by Early Years practitioners, the very structure of the benefits system and the plethora of statutory and voluntary “services” which exists to “help” them. The Deprived Community “poor”, the whole economic structure of society’s response to social exclusion and those at grass-roots level seeking to help the poor all conspire together to keep the “poor” marginalised and downtrodden. What is needed, then, is a way out. A breaking of the cycle at one point or another.

And there appear to be two main approaches to this.

Firstly, there’s the suit-wearing, married toff people who sit in offices and eat lots of biscuits talking about the Deprived People. Their view is essentially that of the political Right - that governments need to cut “services” to promote independence and to reform economically so that people are financially better off in work than on benefits. Ideal, provided the Deprived Community “poor” were both grateful and delighted and able to eagerly partake of each available job opportunity wiping floors or bums or tables, thus reducing dependency whilst reinforcing all social divisions. Getting people into meaningful, productive and dignifying economic activity is a hugely complex task, and one that can’t be done from the distance of a policy-making office. You need to meet and get to know the people.

Secondly, there’s the liberal, educated, veggie box, Lib Dem lefties who’ve chosen to live in the Deprived Community. Their argument is for “services” to become more inclusive, empowering, user-led, grass-roots and radical in their approach, leading the “poor” to rebel against their oppression. It’d be great. Yet experience shows that people who are hungry, depressed and addicted, who are contending with rising damp on the second floor and the need to buy school shoes for their sixth child, do not have the energy of inclination for revolt. And they also find the posh parents at the Childrens Centres and toddler groups make them feel nervous – although the posh parents are really friendly – about going to things like that. Lots of them are, like, social workers and psychologist-type people and you don’t want to be in the same room as them. The empowerment of a community requires relationships deeper and more committed than either the neighbourly or the professional. You need not only to meet and to get to know the people, you need to meet and get to know and live with and alongside and amongst and share everything of your lives with them.

This is what Jesus did.

When he came to earth as the Son of God, Jesus did so in order to meet and get to know and live with and alongside and amongst and share everything of his lives with people, and by so doing, he demonstrated to the world how God wants us to radically recreate society and form a better world. So, in the context of a struggling, marginalised, downtrodden inner-city neighbourhood, the Church has, in the life of Jesus, a wonderful example to follow. And, in the form of the Holy Spirit, the perfect advocate and supervisor to show us how to do it. And the Church, too, has a very clear advantage over all other services, initiatives, projects and social or neighbourhood organisations: its staying power. Churches, and their people, will be in existence for hundreds of years beyond any New Deal, Sure Start or any other social project.

So, therein lies the awareness of an approach that works and the motivation and funding to carry it through. Does it work?

The answer, I think, must lie both in the experience of Those Who Come To Christ from the Deprived Community and in the experience of Those Who Don’t Get It.

Let’s start with Those Who Come To Christ

Are they enabled to have a meaningful experience of God and community? Are they accepted and included? Are they liberated and empowered?

Are they enabled to have a meaningful experience of God and community? Those who have come to faith from Deprived Community are quite definite in affirming that yes, they have. But people who have visited the church as unbelievers or seekers from other backgrounds seem generally not to. Unless a person had “needs” or requires “help”, the church struggles to know how to respond to them.

Are they accepted and included? To a certain extent, but probably only as far as normal class boundaries permit. They are welcome as cleaners, caretakers and caterers, but not in working with the young people, in handling the money or as members of the Leadership. Those are still jobs for the men, for the doctors, for the posh people in the church.

Are they liberated and empowered? I’m not sure.

The first problem, as I see it, of the church approach to outreach within the Deprived Community is that it utilises that very culture of dependency it needs to challenge. It exploits the prevailing culture of hopelessness and dependency by its desire to “help” or “support” or to “care for” people and families. It’s a colonial approach to mission which was developed by 18th Century British missionaries throughout the non-Western world, whereby the natives were taught British social and cultural values as an allegedly integral part of the Christian gospel. It’s an attitude still ingrained within middle class Christianity, to the extent that many are not aware or able to even question it. The evangelical church, in the same way as wider British society, revolves around its notions of them and us.

And the second problem, of course, is that it’s never that simple. What happens when a woman previously afflicted by psychosis and talking to demons suddenly regains clarity of thought and wants to preach on a Sunday morning? What happens when a teenage lad reveals his attraction to other men and insists she is as affirmed by God as ever before? What happens when a “non-Christian” wants to lead a Bible study because he believes God can use his knowledge and insights? The evangelical church cannot cope with experiences which challenge its dogmas. And yet, whenever Christians have sought to engage with a new culture, they’ve been forced to. The evangelical church, for reasons I have never found credible, is afraid to think.

Thirdly, a fear of thinking is, in itself, something I find quite frightening. That every syllable of the Bible is a dictated-from-a-cloud utterance from God is a valid theological position; however those that adhere to this view need to recognise that God’s original Word was delivered in Hebrew and Greek and that any English translation will inevitably be choosing one of a number of understandings of many texts. And most people within as well as outside of Deprived Communities don’t like being told not to think or question or discuss.

And what about the experience of Those Who Don’t Get It?

Why doesn’t it work for them? It’s their fault, obviously. The church could never have got it wrong or have failed them, because the Church is Christ’s body on earth. That’s as far as evangelical thinking goes. However, I would propose a few further suggestions.

Firstly, they might not want or need the sort of “help” or “care” or “support” on offer. Not everyone has or perceives themselves to have to stereotypical “felt needs” of Deprived Community, not everyone wants to enter into a relationship of such dependency. And even if they do want voluntary-sector or faith-based “help”, the church isn’t the only place offering. And the Hare Krishnas down the road do it all vegetarian, too.

Secondly, they may have a background or experiences which fall beyond the scope of what church workers are educationally, intellectually or spiritually equipped to engage with. And church workers have, like anyone else, their professional and personal limitations and prejudices. Like Barack Obama throughout the US, anyone coming the church with an ambiguous ethnic background or allegedly Arab-sounding name will be treated as a practicing and Islamist Muslim, whether or he would define himself as such. Yet whereas professional workers have supervision sessions to consider their practice, their limitations and their prejudices, church workers flounder along in what they’re doing, often with very little space to ask, talk, think or pray.

Thirdly, they might be asking questions they’re not supposed to ask. Like, “why are you trying to put me through a Christian basics course when I’ve read the Bible four times already?” (ans: “because you’re unsaved so you can’t have read it properly”) and “how do you know that the Bible is the word of God?” (ans: “because it says so”) and “why when you say you have full gender, ethnic and class equality here are all the deacons white, male and doctors?” (ans: “don’t ask”) and “but what about how it describes Jesus in the Qu’ran?” (ans: “um, er...”) And so forth. Evangelical Christians are like doctors (and thus so many doctors are evangelical Christians) because both are trained to believe that they know everything, have all the answers and can essentially rely on themselves to be more literate and knowledgeable than those to whom they’re talking. And even in Deprived Communities, people beg to differ. As, of course, did Jesus.

So where do we go from here?

This, then, would be my set of recommendations for evangelical churches wanting to work within Deprived Communities

Look after your own workers. Make sure there’s time and space to study, train, think, talk and pray together.
Listen to your community. Consider the wider picture, but leave space to recognise the diversity of individuals.
Rely on the example of Jesus. He was excellent at both of the above.
Don’t think purely in terms of what you can “give” or how you can “serve”. Think about what you can learn from people, and how you can work together.
Don’t be afraid to admit when you get it wrong.
Don't fall into the trap of believing you can speak directly for God and be his gatekeeper. Remember that, as you keep saying, he's bigger than you are.
Pray. And listen to what God tells you.

hello new visitors

2008-07-16T16:08:00.005+01:00

Ooooh, lovely to see new people here, mainly travelled via the ASBOjesus site, which I've been enjoying discovering.

What am I going to do to keep people here and reading and commenting and excited? What would anyone like?

I've been spending the day being shuttled from pillar to post in my Proper Trousers whilst trying to sort out arrangements and contracts and the like for my New Job. But I'm still so ardently grateful to have a New Job that I'm still amenable to a gentle bit of being slightly pissed around, and they do have a free and low-carbon-emitting minibus service which efficiently shuttles the 16 minute journey between Pillar and Post at 13 and 43 minutes past every hour until 1743. And on one of the journeys from Post back to Pillar I got an email on my mobile asking if I'd like to apply for a job at one of the partner organisations of Place of Former Employment. So definately, I'm very glad I've got a New Job.

But honestly, what am I writing about? What would keep people reading? All contributions welcome...

how to get Christians to talk nicely to one another

2008-07-15T17:30:00.003+01:00

I mean, does it ever happen? How's it supposed to happen?

Throughout the past year, I've been increasingly appalled by the extent to which some within the Anglican church has lost touch with any awareness of the basic human dignity of one another. This Dave Walker cartoon sums up all that's been taking place around questions of sexuality, schism and female bishops better than I could.

At least, though, one could never accuse the Anglicans of doing what usually happens in the rest of the church, which is the silencing of discussion and debate. That's something. Go into your average non-episcopal prostestant church and ask whether the union/circuit/presbytery/denomination could convene a nationwide/international debate on the role of gay, lesbian and transgender people within its ranks, and you'll not only be laughed out the door, you'll be forbidden from even disclosing that the discussion took place because "we don't have gay people here" (entirely untrue) or "sometimes we have to agree to disagree" (cop out) or "it'd be a bad Christian witness for dissent on these issues to emerge into the public domain". Certainly it would be a dismal "Christian witness" for "dissent on these issues" to filter into the media, but it's also utterly unacceptable Christian practice for anyone to be marginalised or silences on account of their sexuality, gender or anything else.

So, how does one promote honest theological debate within Christianity whilst insisting dignity, respect andfair representation for all?

is anyone out there?

2008-07-15T11:36:00.002+01:00

Traffic to this blog has slowed almost to a standstill. I'm currently getting less than ten page hits a day. *Grace extracts her violin* I have the following theories about why this might be...

1. I bore all first-time visitors so they never come back, never link me, never tell their friends about me. I mean, do most people out there care about how Grace can't find a church that'll welcome her husband? Wouldn't they rather be hearing the more intimate details of our sex life?

2. I'm so intent on keeping this blog anonymous that I can't really promote myself to anyone. I've scribbled down the address to Steve, to Lampbus and to One of Beloved's Students (all of whom seemed both particularly interested and exceptionally discreet) and I've carried over a few trusted friends from previous blogs (Erika, Erin, Lilwatchergirl, MadPriest, Eileen, my Mum) and then there's Caroline, with whom I got into blogging in the first place. I'm not going to be advertising myself on my Facebook page (which is still getting multiple visits from former colleagues) or linking my blog to the Proper Bits of Writing I do...

3. I don't get involved in blogospheric controversy and dramas. I love reading the sparring matches which take place on OCICBW, Doorman-Priest, and MentalNurse, but really, I've got enough to get wound up about in offline life already...

4. "Jesus Wept" is hardly a cutting-edge or sexy title. I'm sure that if I renamed by blog "Grace has 32B cleavage" or "Hot new nude Paris Hilton vids", I'd be getting a few more page hits through Google...

But still, at least I've got nothing much else to worry about now...

why a dozen or so of my posts have disappeared

2008-07-11T16:04:00.004+01:00

Because I've just been offered a job. I hadn't written about the employer in question on the blog (well, I did, but it was only a little, little bit about their fantastic admin systems...) but I know that, over the past few weeks, I've written things that might risk my soon-to-be Place of Employment finding me online here. So, I just need some time to think and maybe do a bit of editing before I put the posts back up.

Huge and massive thank yous, though, to everyone who's been cheering me through these interviews. God seems nice again now, too. Thanks up there.

an anecdote wot proves there is nice employment practice out there really

2008-07-11T09:55:00.004+01:00

I've just got back from an early morning trip to the local 24 hour supermarket. I'd needed nail polish remover, tea bags and apples. As one does, and all.

This is what I overheard...

SHIFT SUPERVISOR: How you doing there mate? Aren't you about due your break?
SHELF STACKER: (in limited English) No I fine. But I only need call, call Nature.
SHIFT SUPERVISOR: (extracting mobile from pocket) No problem there mate. Call whoever you want. Use my mobile.
SHELF STACKER: No, I need, I need (stage whisper in Supervisor's ear)
SHIFT SUPERVISOR: Yes mate, you don't need to ask my permission. But for future reference, it's the call of nature...

Lovely, I think.

life imitates blog

2008-07-07T13:23:00.004+01:00

Caroline has credited me as the Person Who Got Her Into Blogging. I don't think she needed much encouragement. Right from the start, she's been getting more hits than me. She just writes so, so incredibly well. Welcome, then, to all the through traffic I'm getting from her.

Lilwatchergirl and I (plus Beloved and The Girl) met at St Pancras on last night. Amazing really, how a person can in real life be as similar as they are on their blogs. Lovely evening. Fantastic couple.

Right. I now need to get started on my presentation for this next interview. But anyone esle out there fancy a coffee/glass of wine?

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 3: Grace takes Beloved back to her teenage church

2008-07-07T11:21:00.006+01:00

Whereas most churches have a cross or crucifix or altar at the front, Big Charismatic Baptist Church has a giant world map. Whereas Place of Former Employment sees its mission as to a small inner-city neighbourhood, BCBC sees it as to the world. Whereas PoFE employs a few people for its community work, BCBC sends and supports dozens of missionaries across the globe. BCBC is, then, the sort of place that's really exciting to be part of as a teenager: you feel the world as at your fingertips and that you can make a difference.

BCBC is, however, a Church with a Past. In the seventies, one of its leading lights landed them into all sorts of theological controversies over Baptism in the Holy Spirit (which it liked) and The Place of Woman (which it didn't). So whereas they're obviously the type of church with a predisposition to declaim to individuals that their life choices will land them in hell (they tried this when they found out I was doing a degree involving the study of Islam), they don't like to be portrayed as the Lunatic Fringe they probably are.

The first time Beloved and BCBC leadership found themselves in the same room, there was Controversy. Suffice to say, it ended in the wife of said leader being banned from attending our wedding. Oh pleeeeeease...

It was thus with some trepidation we went back yesterday. Instead of running into any of the leadership, though, we met Catrina. Catrina and I were in the youth group together and it's Catrina who had the Dramatic Healing. It didn't even seem remarkable at the time. When she turned up to the group that night to tell us that her ever-worsening chronic backache had been diagnosed as a serious skeletal deformity that could render her immobile within months without surgery, we just did what 16 year old Charismatics did it such situations, and laid Catrina down on the floor to pray for her. And we prayed for her. And we saw her spine straighten and her pelvis realign. It didn't surprise us that God did this. It didn't surprise us that Catrina had no further pain, nor that she was suddenly three inches taller than before we'd prayed... and nor that, the following week, Catrina was deemed by doctors no longer in need of surgical intervention. God did it, we knew.

I wish that I still expected so much from God and from churches. I wish that I still had that sort of faith. Still, though, even now I experience God so much more easily in BCBC than in any other church I've ever visited or been part of. With Beloved in tow, I know that I would never be welcomed or accepted as a BCBC member (and, of course, being a woman is still a bit iffy... oh pleeeeease) but for once in a while, for a quick injection of nostalgia, hope and faith, yes, it's OK...

There was, of course, an extremely high standard demonstrated by all our interviewees

2008-07-07T11:17:00.005+01:00

Maybe I should write a manual of less utterly cliched ways for interview panels to reject people.

I wish they'd just spare me the platitudes and tell me in the first sentence they don't want me.

more self-pitying whining...

2008-07-02T10:04:00.002+01:00

I've just realised that I know one of the men on my next interview panel. His name had always sounded vaguely familiar - but then, as Jim Smith, it easily could have. But last night, one of my friends-from-way-back informed me that, several years back, Jim Smith offered me a job and I turned it down. Given that I am able to recall sending my CV to someone else in what was then Jim Smith's organisation, and given that I know I remember virtually nothing about this period of my life, I'm prepared to accept my friend is probably right.

But what my friend doesn't know, and what I totally cannot understand is what the job was, why I turned the job down, how I turned the job down and thus whether I have met, spoken to, conversed with, discussed the job with, emailed or written to Jim Smith.

D'oh.

on a lighter note...

2008-06-30T23:32:00.002+01:00

I've been shortlisted again. Twice.

*Grace keeps her lips very sealed in case anyone who might be interviewing her reads this and guesses who she might be*

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 2: Grace starts crying halfway to another new church and decides to come home instead

2008-06-30T15:50:00.008+01:00

That says it all, essentially. I'm at a point where I don't want to walk into a new church looking all emo and snivelly and dishevelled, where I don't want anyone's first impression of me to be one of patronisingness or sympathy or pity or a pastoral care assignment. That's not to say that I'd never cry or get upset in front of church people (it's not something I have a great deal of control over, much of the time), but I want to do all I can to start off with people seeing me as thoughtful, intelligent and aiming to serve, affording me equality, crebility and respect. And so, at 10.23am, we returned home.

Beloved says that people in churches should learn to accept the fulness of one another's life experience and that if I'd gone into a service crying that it shouldn't have mattered. Jesus, from the look of the gospels, would undoubetdly agree. But I just don't want any more messy and [*Grace struggles to avoid use of a four-letter word*] church relationships. But the whole point of Christ's message of grace is that all our human relationships (whether inside or outside of church structures) will be messy and imperfect yet endowed with the potential for healing and joy. So if I cut myself off from other Christians because I fear their sympathy and their pity, then I'm cutting myself off from God, too. And yet, even knowing that, yesterday I continued to ealk home.

Ultimately, then, I'm concluding that perhaps the question of being inside or outside the church becomes a secondary one. Perhaps instead, it's about the quality of the relationships developed, and the way in which God and faith and community are expressed through those relationships. The nebulous evangelical concept of a personal and individual relationship with God is fine, but as Teresa of Avila points out, Christ has no body on earth but ours...

Once we were home, Beloved and I sat on the sofa eating leftover fruit salad. And Beloved said "I just want a way of worshipping where we can talk to people, where we can be with them."

Yes.

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 1.5: A community formed outside of institutional structures ie Group Process Discussion

2008-06-26T22:59:00.006+01:00

Steve and several other people have been challenging me to think, if I believe that Christ is accessible in all places and discernable within all people, why do I limit myself to the traditional understanding of Church in seeking a worshipping community? Why can I not find faith, grace, hope, love and God in those around me?

So I thought I'd have a go, this evening. To go into a situation familiar (to me at least) and to seek to identify what of God I could find there.

Basically, a living room full of people there for camomile tea and a discussion on the meaning of guilt. An incredibly diverse collection of people, most of whom I've known, listened to, shouted at, cooked for on a regular basis for a few years. So I know the set up. Sitting there, though, thinking about what I could find of God and community there, that was new.

In some ways, it's easy. People are very accepting, tolerant of one another, warm with one another. There's not the moral pressure found in churches which can drive people to pretend they're something they're not.

In other ways, it's hard. With no shared value systems and no common frame of reference, it's hard to discuss a topic such as guilt as anything beyond the individual, beyond the interpersonal; there's no room to consider anything beyond, I cannot talk about my relationship with God as absorbing (most of) my guilt, there's no ultimate Other. In essence, it becomes merely about the group worshipping itself. But then, Durkheim says that's all that organised religion does anyway. Thinking of the many church groups I've been too which degenerated into an aren't-we-a-marvellous-fellowship mutual backslapping, I think he has a point.

I know I need to value the friends and the relationships and the community I have as a gift from God and as a place to experience Christ. However, I think I do still want a church, too...

the verdict

2008-06-23T18:47:00.004+01:00

Another candidate had a great deal more experience than you.

Grace and Beloved's ChurchSearch Week 1: St Catherine's Parish Church

2008-06-22T12:38:00.005+01:00

At St Catherine's this morning, during an unusually relaxed and somewhat chaotic Anglican service, I had a tambourine thrust very firmly into my hands.

Tambourines always make me giggle, especially when I'm nervous. And then there were the sparkly pink flags to wave about in worship, which a group of 7 year olds spent most of each song playing swordfighting with.

An intriguing church then. The main role of the vicar seemed to be to disentangle cardigans snagged on the indoor azaleas, everyone else leading the service was in their teens or below, and everyone else in the congregation was in their seventies or above. But there was energy there, and joy, and a real warmth towards the young people.

How would I feel about making it our regular church? Fine - but please, never ask me to play the tambourine.